Monthly Archives: December 2010

Enough of the crying, already

It has been a day when it is hard to not cry.

1.  I guess I am not really over whatever is wrong with me.  I still feel thick and slow and stupid.

2.  My husband is sick.  He didn’t make it to church this morning.  I know how bad he feels (see #1)  and it makes me sad for him.

3.  My Sweet Mama is sick.  I talk to her on the phone and she sounds so bad.  I should go out there and take care of her.  But — (see #1 and #2)

4.  My Uncle David died this morning.  The seventh child of David and Savilla Yoder to die in less than five years.  The third one since July 29th of this year.  On the 18th, it will be five years since my daddy died.  He was the first.  There was an irreverent remark when Daddy died.  Something about it being the “beginning of ‘open season’ on the Yoder siblings.”   I didn’t particularly like it then.  I like it even less now.  Seven gone.  Grandma had her babies fast, but I know she never had seven in less than five years.

5.  I miss my faraway girlie.

6.  I miss my faraway girlie.

7.  I miss my faraway girlie.

8.  I miss my faraway girlie.

9.  I miss my faraway girlie.


If you are looking for some resolution to this, it isn’t coming.  Yet.




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Another Day in the lives of CM and CMW


Certain Man and I went shopping together today.  I wasn’t feeling entirely well, and he was feeling like he was getting sick  — so we made quite a team.  It was rather quiet in the mini-van for the first part of the trip.  I hadn’t hurried enough this morning, and we didn’t get off as early as we had hoped.  There were ladies to get ready for Center, some bills to pay and I needed to clean out my purse . . . 

Yes, I NEEDED to. 

Several months ago, I had bought one of those big bags that are so popular now.  Youngest Daughter had sorta’ talked me into it, if I were to be entirely honest.  And I have been impressed and pleased with how I can get so much in there.  The only problem is, it is pretty much just one great big compartment, and of course, I had lost something important in there.  I couldn’t find it among the candy wrappers, crumbs, pens, receipts, calculator, chapstick, Weight Watcher literature, gum, cough drops, life savers, more pens, tablets, Things to Distract Love Bug, coupons, sale papers, and even the two zippered pouches that I put in there to help me “organize” things.  So I sat on my chair, and began to dig.  I found what I had lost, and threw everything away that didn’t belong in there, corralled some of the things into the zippered pouches, put the pens in their own outside pouch, put “edibles” into another compartment, and lined up the wallet, the check book and the calculator in the bottom of the big old purse, and marveled at how much lighter the thing felt.

Certain Man had been in the chicken house while I did all this stuff, and after I finished the purse,  I thought that I would quick pay a few bills that had come in.  Over the time of the funeral, there had been a few things that had gone unheeded, and I wanted to “quick take care of them.”  So I furiously scribbled away.  Certain Man came in, got his shower, got dressed and sat on his chair.  He didn’t look particularly healthy.  I worried.  He didn’t look particularly happy.  I worried even more, and tried to hurry even more.  The phone rang numerous times.  The several times that he fielded the calls, I heard some quiet mutterings about “getting later and later!”

Eventually, we got on our way, but as I said, it was rather quiet in the car.  I was genuinely sorry for making us late, sorry that he wasn’t feeling good, and really wasn’t feeling terrific myself, but then didn’t know if it was because I was just being growly, had a guilty conscience, or if I just hadn’t recovered enough to actually be out and about.

Then the first place we stopped was closed because of a death in the family, and so we aimed our trusty mini van on up to Dover and slowly made our way through various stops.  First to the post office to mail some invitations and to buy Christmas stamps for our Christmas cards.  While there, we also got information about sending a package to Thailand.  I think that first stop is what changed things for us.  We suddenly began looking outward together instead of looking inward and at the other’s imagined (or real) shortcomings.

The day just got better from there.  We did some browsing at “Forneys, Too” a delightful little gift shop where we didn’t buy a thing, then went on to the mall, did some looking at this and that, got lunch at our favorite fast food place, Chick-fil-A, visited Yankee Candle, made a small purchase at Boscov’s, another at Penney’s and then went on to Sam’s Club for some shopping there and then to a carpet store to look for carpet for the living room.  It was just so relaxing and fun!

But towards the end of the day, it became evident that Certain Man really must be catching what I had earlier this week.  His head was hurting, and he felt really, really tired.  So we came home and he slept awhile, went out and did his chores, and then our Grandbaby came by for a short visit.  Things are settling down for the night, and I knew he didn’t feel good at all when he wanted Beloved Son in Law and Eldest Daughter to lock up on their way out at 8:30.  He had my sympathies, and I wasn’t going to object.  So I think we are going to call it a day at Shady Acres.  Middle Daughter is working, Our Girl Audrey has already taken herself to bed, and Blind Linda will follow as soon as I get her ready.  This was the day for my cleaning gal to work her magic, and work it, she did!!!  I am thankful for a clean house, a sweet fire, and the memories I’ve been blessed to make today.

Sweet Dreams!



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This silvery day . . .

One year ago today, I woke up in Beebe Medical Center with a new left knee.  Today, I feel some ache in that knee with the weather and with an unusually busy past week.  I was supposed to have an appointment with the office that did the surgery this morning but decided to not go.  Somewhere I caught a cough/cold/nasty bug, and yesterday I pretty much sat on my chair all day.  I finally made an appointment with my family doctor for this afternoon.  Maybe I can get to feeling better.  I haven’t been feeling quite right for over three weeks, but I kept saying, “I have to get through this:  (Funeral, two trips to Ohio, Rachel’s week at home, Thanksgiving boxes, Thanksgiving, little Christmas, getting everything together so that my family could have as uneventful a weekend together as possible, etc.) and THEN I will think about whether I am really sick or not.”  I’ve been down this road a time or two before, and I wasn’t surprised when I started feeling really bad on Monday, worse yesterday, and now not much better.  I was glad when the doctor’s office had one appointment left today and said I should come in.  I need some other prescriptions as well.  I so hope that I can go to church tonight — We are doing invitations for our Christmas Carol Sing along, and I REALLY, REALLY want to be there! 

Yesterday morning, Youngest Daughter began her long trip to Thailand.  She left Columbus, Ohio, around 10:00 yesterday morning.  They had a brief stop in Chicago and then went on to Tokyo.  Beloved Son in Law is my helper in times of need, and set up my laptop so that I could follow the flight on line.  Last night, I traced the flight across the edge of Korea, and thought about my girlie, and wondered what she was thinking, what she was feeling.  They landed in Tokyo, had another fairly brief stay there, an then it was back to the Friendly Skies for the last leg of the trip.  Around 11:30, Beloved Son in Law got a text from the airline saying that the flight had landed, and was taxi-ing up to the terminal.  It was almost midnight in Bangkok, and I was surprised by the sudden lurch in my gut as I thought about my 20 year old girlie, about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime.  I keep thinking that in the bigger scheme of things, 8-9 months isn’t all that much.  And in light of all the other things she has done, it seems like “just one more thing!”  And to me, as her Momma, I keep reminding myself that the empty place at our table, in our home, in my heart carries NOTHING of the sorrow or long term implications that friends of ours are feeling right now as they face the uncertainties of Traumatic Brain Injury in their college age daughter.  There is just no comparison.  And so, when I am tempted to weep over this far away girlie of mine and for that gut wrenching “Missing Her!” feeling, I am trying to use that as a spring board for a reminder to pray for Kevin, Carla, Karissa, Eric and Kelly.  I wouldn’t be surprised if they would trade their kind of pain for this sort of pain in the blink of an eye.

. . . and I praise HIM in this storm.

edit:  Home from the doctor.  Temp of 100.  Sinus infection, but “you don’t have pneumonia — YET.”  So he prescribed an antibiotic, and Certain Man laid down the law concerning church tonight and Bible Study tomorrow morning.  And I don’t have the energy to argue. 

So there. 

He thinks he won. 

I think I did.


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