There was a CD playing in the new “under the counter/CD player/radio.” (I just cashed in some of the points that I’ve accumulated over the years of being a “Silkies” customer.)
As the music and lyrics to the praise song, “Holy is the Lord” filled the kitchen, I was surprised to suddenly find the tears crashing down my face. Middle Daughter was immediately concerned.
“Momma, whatever is wrong?”
I tried hard to explain it, but really, what it came down to was this, “This music always makes me miss my faraway kids.”
She was clearly puzzled. “Really, Mom, they didn’t really listen that much to this music.”
That was true. They usually played their music through their headphones when they were downstairs, and I really didn’t hear it very much if they were in their rooms. So that made me think about why I felt such a sense of loss when I heard the music on this particular CD. (Blessed Be Your Name: PRAISE & WORSHIP — bought off the “LIFESCAPESthebeliever” rack at Target.
“You know, Deborah, it’s true that they didn’t play this that much here, but — ” I struggled to put my finger on what that feeling was that came over me when I heard the music. What picture came into my head when I heard it that moved me so deeply with a sense of loss?
And now you all are going to think that I am hardly even Christian. I really should associate this music with joy and victory and success and really, really CHRISTIAN feelings, because what it “sits me right in the middle of” is the commissioning service that is held just before sending out the REACH teams each year. Part of that service is an extended time of praise and worship. And when I have that music swirling around my ears (and heart) it feels like I am right there — getting ready to say good-bye to one of my kids.
Sometimes when I finally identify what it is that is bothering me about something, I am able to put it away, and let it go. For some reason, this morning, I am missing all three of my absent kids incredibly much.
And I don’t think listening to PRAISE & WORSHIP music is going to help very much.
I think I’ll go listen to an old 60’s album called “Blue Velvet.”
And that probably isn’t very “Christian” either, but Cecilia will like it.