There was a CD playing in the new “under the counter/CD player/radio.”  (I just cashed in some of the points that I’ve accumulated over the years of being a “Silkies” customer.)

As the music and lyrics to the praise song, “Holy is the Lord” filled the kitchen, I was surprised to suddenly find the tears crashing down my face.  Middle Daughter was immediately concerned.

“Momma, whatever is wrong?”

I tried hard to explain it, but really, what it came down to was this, “This music always makes me miss my faraway kids.”

She was clearly puzzled.  “Really, Mom, they didn’t really listen that much to this music.”

That was true.  They usually played their music through their headphones when they were downstairs, and I really didn’t hear it very much if they were in their rooms.  So that made me think about why I felt such a sense of loss when I heard the music on this particular CD.  (Blessed Be Your Name: PRAISE & WORSHIP — bought off the “LIFESCAPESthebeliever”  rack at Target.

“You know, Deborah, it’s true that they didn’t play this that much here, but — ” I struggled to put my finger on what that feeling was that came over me when I heard the music.  What picture came into my head when I heard it that moved me so deeply with a sense of loss?

And now you all are going to think that I am hardly even Christian.  I really should associate this music with joy and victory and success and really, really CHRISTIAN feelings, because what it “sits me right in the middle of” is the commissioning service that is held just before sending out the REACH teams each year.  Part of that service is an extended time of praise and worship.  And when I have that music swirling around my ears (and heart) it feels like I am right there — getting ready to say good-bye to one of my kids.

Sometimes when I finally identify what it is that is bothering me about something, I am able to put it away, and let it go.  For some reason, this morning, I am missing all three of my absent kids incredibly much.

And I don’t think listening to PRAISE & WORSHIP music is going to help very much.

I think I’ll go listen to an old 60’s album called “Blue Velvet.”

And that probably isn’t very “Christian” either, but Cecilia will like it.


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8 responses to “

  1. “Blue Velvet” I can sing it word for word. I cannot recall who sung it, Bobbie Vinton? Do you think being tearful sometimes is cleansing and rather nice unless it makes you depressed and I doubt very much if that is your case. “A time to laugh and a time to cry”. Love that radio I have one just like it but can not set the alarm and have lost the directions. Also where I wanted to hang it in the kitchen the radio would static so I put it in my utility room. We girls are an emotional lot aren’t we BEG?

  2. You know, sometimes the tears just come!  I’m right there with you.  There are times that I do just what you did, only my venue waffles between Big Band, classic country, or 70s easy listening!  The next time, even that same trigger song doesn’t have the same effect on me!God bless your day!

  3. I usually ALWAYS listen to ‘talk radio’.  As much as I love WORKING with music, I don’t enjoy just LISTENING to it.  But at the Christmas season, the radio waves are bombarded with Holiday music.  It’s not a Christian song, but every time I hear “I’ll Be Home For Christmas”, it gives me the blues BIG TIME!!!   Makes me think of when we were living in Bermuda, when Don was in the Air Force, and were unable to come home for Christmas.  I was SO HOMESICK!!!   Now that we’ve been home for years and years, it STILL makes me sad, because the parents I wanted to be home with,  are now deceased, and so is Don and my brother.  Any time I hear it announced, or start playing, if I can get to the radio, I turn it off.

  4. Blessed Be Your Name ~ a hard one for me to get through without tears, too. I have done it a few times, but sometimes I just don’t sing along when it is sung at church. I purposely let my mind wander. Bad, I know. But better than falling into a melancholy mood.

  5. I agree with Lucy.  We are an emotional lot when it comes to music! (and a lot more!) 

  6. It was so-o-o-o good to see you and Daniel last night.

  7. thanks for sharing your heart!  I would have to say though I am a fan of “BlueVelvet” it always makes me thing of days past!!! it makes me feel mellow

  8. You made me laugh out loud even as you described what makes you cry. I just love your way with words, because so often you are describing my heart as well. I LOVE the song Blessed Be Your Name as I love almost all praise and worship music. But isn’t it amazing how we associate things with certain songs? I think God loves our tears.

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