The week has flown by on the wings of incredible activity and sadness. My heart continues to ache for Lupe. If you think of her, please pray that God will intervene in her situation. Her husband is Guatemalan. She is Mexican. There are a thousand things against them, but she is certain that she wants to go to Guatemala to be with him. This will mean that she must leave behind everything and everyone dear to her except him. And yet, they ARE married. Her place belongs with him. When you pray for her, pray that I will have the kind of wisdom that would be pleasing to God, and pray that she will be protected in this desperate situation. The slavery of young, Hispanic girls in this country is a dreadful but well-documented thing, and I am constantly praying that her desire to be with him doesn’t cause her to take leave of her common sense and do something foolish. She is not stupid in the ways of this world, but she desperately needs someone to protect her as she makes the trek from here to Guatemala. It just isn’t safe for her to go off alone. And there are many, many details to be worked out.
Years ago, when Certain Man and I had foster children, there were many, many times when decisions about their futures were totally out of our hands. I remember going into their bedrooms at night and standing over their beds and praying that God would comfort them and us as we faced yet another painful parting. The thing that gave me comfort then, and comforts me in this situation as well, is the understanding that His eyes can see where mine cannot and Hand is not short that it cannot save; and that sometimes has to be enough. I have seen Him undertake in marvelous ways as I have relinquished my heart and my desires to Him, but it hasn’t always worked out the way I wanted it to, or even the way that I thought would be best. Sometimes there have been disastrous results. And I cannot tell you why God does things one way one time and chooses not to another. But I have purposed to ask Him for what seems to be needed and to trust Him in spite of how He chooses to answer.
This year, I’ve been keeping (somewhat sporadically) a gratitude journal. It causes my mind to run down the rabbit trails of thankfulness The other night, so very weary after a long and challenging day, I crashed into our bed and savored the good support of a great mattress, and felt the coolness of the sheets.
“I have it so good!” I murmured to my completely exhausted, almost sleeping husband.
“Why do you say that?” he asked, mumbling, under his warm blanket.
“I am so tired tonight,” I began. “And this bed is comfortable and my husband is kind. We have shelter, and even though I am incredibly tired, I can be here in this good bed and I can expect to sleep good. All over this world, Sweetheart, there are women who are far more deserving than I am, who have worked just as hard and harder than I have today, and they are tired. Some of them are cold. Many of them are hungry. And they may have been beaten or abused, and now they are trying to get some rest on a hard floor or even the ground and they are not protected. And here I am in this warm and comfortable bed with a good man to love me, and I am just so thankful. I have it so good!”
He didn’t say anything, but he hugged me. Long, detailed discussions at midnight are not his forte. And maybe you don’t get the connection between that story and what I said earlier, but I would like to try to explain, if I could. You see, when God doesn’t answer my prayers the way I want Him to, there are a thousand things on the “other side of the scales” so to speak that I find just as inexplicable. I don’t know why He has been so good to me. I don’t deserve all the blessings that He has poured out upon me and my family. There have been heartaches. There have been times when I have wondered if I will ever be happy again. There have been times when I wanted to pack up and move somewhere else. When I can’t fix things, I would just as soon be out of the situation. But running from my problems or from a God that I don’t understand or that doesn’t do things my way has never and will never solve anything. And so, I come back to the many, many times when God has intervened in miraculous ways in my life and in the lives of our family. And I believe that He can and He does do it according to His Will. His Will. Ah, that is the crux of the matter.
So, I guess what I am saying in this is that I don’t know how this whole thing with Lupe is going to work out. I honestly cannot say that there is any way for it to work out that will be “okay” with me. The solutions are just not to my liking. However, there are some ways that are just plain WRONG and I am purposing to pray against those things that I know are wrong and ask God to work in all our hearts as we look for His Will.
His Will. His Way. His Time. That is what will be best.