I love getting packages in the mail. I am continually astonished at ordering something on a Wednesday night and it appears in my mail box two days later, with no shipping charges! Amazon Prime Rocks! And since Amazon Prime allows auxiliary members, we have our children on our membership.
Saturday, I went to the mailbox and found this box from Amazon. Okay. I wondered what Middle Daughter had ordered that she hadn’t told me about. It was almost too big for the mailbox , and I struggled a bit to get it out. When I checked the address, I was surprised to find my name on the label. H-m-m-m-m-m. Maybe Youngest Daughter had ordered something to come here instead of to her Philly address, She hadn’t said anything, but she had come home for the long weekend, so maybe she just had it sent to me, hoping she would be here when it came.
Then I looked at the box a little more closely. AMAZON FIRE PHONE was written all over the packing tape, Oh, dear!!! My heart sank clear down to my toes. I couldn’t believe it! The Offspringin’s had actually gone and done it! I looked at that box and thought I just might cry!
It is no secret to any faithful reader of this blog that I am an old stick in the mud when it comes to cell phones. I have a sturdy old flip phone that has been washed in the washer, has suffered many indignities, yea, things that would have killed off a lesser phone many times over. It texts, it takes marginal pictures, it calls people, it keeps a wonderful contact list, and if I’m really desperate, can be programmed as an alarm clock. But when the family is sending group text messages, I only can respond to one person unless I enter the addresses of the rest of the flock. And I cannot tell to whom the text was sent( besides myself). This bothers some of the Offspringin’. Over Christmas, when they thought I might not be listening, they were discussing getting Certain Man and His Wife smart phones for Christmas. I thought I had made myself clear on the point, and was terribly relieved when I escaped unscathed on the far side of the Christmas Celebration. Now, THIS!
I brought the box in and set it on the kitchen table and considered my options. I love my kids and the people they’ve married so intensely, I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. I considered writing a group e-mail and thanking them sincerely but begging them to reconsider. (That wouldn’t do, I decided.) I thought about giving vent to my frustration and bringing on some tears with Middle Daughter and Youngest Daughter and explaining that I just didn’t want it! (I decided that wouldn’t do either.) I got to wondering if that was one of the reasons Youngest Daughter came home this weekend — she wanted to see my surprise and delight at this wonderful gift. Maybe I should wait until she and Middle Daughter were both here to witness the opening of the box. But then I worried that my reaction would be less than acceptable since they had obviously gone to great lengths to procure this new phone for me. I decided that I had just better bite the bullet and open it and determine that I was going to learn to use it. The Offspringin’s had obviously thought it was what was best for me and I am on a kick to try to listen to our Offspringin’s advice and counsel about what is best for me.
I got my instrument of sharp edges and slit the tape.
It was not a phone at all! I looked in that box and laughed out loud. It wasn’t a phone at all!
I began to feel really, really foolish. It was a package of B12 drink mixes that I really like that I am no longer able to buy locally and I had ordered them on Wednesday evening and they had even told me that they would be delivered on Saturday. Sigh!
The thing is, if it wasn’t for that phone phobia, and seeing those words in bold print on that tape, I would have thought of that sooner or later. So it really is Amazon’s fault. I think. I’m pretty sure it hasn’t anything to do with anything else.
And when I say that my heart gives grateful praise on this Monday morning, you can believe that I am telling the truth. My heart gives grateful praise for an old, old flip phone and for The Offspringin’s who weren’t half as meddling as I thought they were.
I think I’ll go have one of my new grape-flavored drinks.