One year ago today

A Year ago today, I made the following posting:   This morning, looking at it, I realize I could have posted almost the exact same thing this year —  with a few changes concerning circumstances.    Daddy was ill, Gertrude had gone on to Heaven, Youngest Son was in Phoenix — And this was what I wrote. . .

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

I should be finishing the planning of my menu for Friday night, but I am bone weary, and it has been a stressful day.  I found myself crying in the car tonight when I went to pick up my girlie from quiz practice.  That is usually a sign that there is something really amiss somewhere.  I decided to consciously think of all the things that are bothering me, and that was enlightening, to say the least.  And I concluded that the sadness I feel is honest emotion, not something contrived or hormonal or even vicarious.  It is HERE.  It is MINE.  It needs to be thought about, grieved over, worked through, but it isn’t a nameless, vague, “I feel sad-ish” kind of thing. 

Lord Jesus,

When you see the things I cannot control

Make inroads on the things that I think I “need”

Or even just “want.”

When age and illness and distance and even my own wicked heart

Refuse all my attempts to bring them under my direction.

Remind me, even as you have tonight,

That control belongs to you.

It isn’t self control, or trying hard enough or air line tickets or medical science or vitamins

That will win the battles.

It’s You.  Despised and rejected of Men.

It’s You. A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

It’s You.  Bearing our griefs and carrying our sorrows.

It’s You.  Wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities.

It’s You.  The chastisement of our peace upon you.

It’s You.  By your stripes we are healed.

You’ve already done it.  It has been long done.

Let my heart become another manger.

May you be pleased to dwell there in your Holy Glory.

How very much I need you.


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8 responses to “One year ago today

  1. Great post.  I always appreciate your open heart and honesty in your entries.

  2. ryc:  You wrote…”Concrete curbs don’t mix so well with ladies of our. . .er. . . social standing” …..I say, “or any standing of any kind apparently!!”  hee hee hee  =)

  3. Nice post good thoughts. “Let my heart be another manger”, that is so good. BTW your Eldest Son is indeed a man of few words but what sweet words,great to know he is okay.

  4. Beautiful!!!  God has gifted you with thots and words!!!  Your heart IS a manger/throne.                                          My youngest daughter is singing Manger Throne Christmas Eve Morning.  I don’t know if you know it or not…
    What kind of King would leave His throne in Heaven to make this earth His home?                                               While men seek fame and great renown, in loneliness our King comes down.
    You left the sound of angel’s praise to come for men with unkind ways.                                                                   And by this Baby’s helplessness, the pow’r of nations is laid to rest.
    What kind of King would come so small, from glory to a humble stall?                                                                    That dirtly manger is my heart, too.  I’ll make it a royal throne for You.
    Jesus, Jesus, precious One, how we thank You that You’ve come                                                                        Jesus, Jesus, precious One, a manger throne for God’s own Son.                                                                             My heart is a throne for God’s own Son.

  5. Mary Ann, what a way you have with words!!! I need to print that out so I can take more time to digest it all. It surely was good to talk on the phone last evening. Way in the back of my mind I have this thought of coming to see “Daniel’s Village”. But I must get past this weekend and Christmas Day before I can consider such a thing any further front in my mind.

  6. Thanks, BEG, for your sweet words on my site.  No news yet about the new babies.  Youngest daughter is very, very uncomfortable and HUGE!  I don’t think she is going to make it to the middle of Jan.  She is doing O.K. as long as she takes her meds and stays down.  Other daughter is still working as a nurse’s assistant at a school.  Doc wants her to stay in bed, but she told him she just couldn’t in her financial situation.  He reluctantly signed off.  I will keep you posted.
    So glad you heard from your son, finally!  What a relief for you.

  7. It can’t be said any better.  mw

  8. Thinking of you this beautiful Sunday morn.

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