Yesterday, the mom of some of our kids asked for money to pay the electric bill.

“Can u help us with elec till the 3rd will pay bck” she texted.  “i will sighn that i will pay bck. Please.”

There has been two years of paying bills for this family.  Some out of our church’s Benevolence fund, some personal.  Certain Man has asked me not to give her any more money, church or personal.  I’ve been telling her this for at least three months.  She keeps asking.  There are always extenuating circumstances.  But there are also things that trouble me exceedingly — several new tattoos, expensive “lie” magazines in the grocery bags that she borrowed money to pay for with the promise of paying back — but she never did.  That “signing” bit was something I decided to do the last time when I loaned her $100.00 from the church and $70 of my own.  She signed to return the churches money and paid it back.  She never pretended that she was going to pay back the $70.

Next month is Christmas.  She is already trying to borrow money for last month’s electric bill.  I know she won’t have the money for next month’s bill.  And Christmas is coming up.  The chances of her paying back anything she borrows is zilch.  I know.  I’ve been there. 

And so, I prayed and thought, talked to Certain Man and prayed some more.  I felt strongly that God wanted me to be a woman of my word.  I had told her there would be no more money.  It was time for me to be steadfast here and honor my word.  I sent back a text, tried to word things gently, but said “no.”

She never responded with a single word.

It’s cold in Delaware this morning.  The kind of damp that goes right through you.  Drizzle is making things seem even more dismal.  

Yesterday was the day for turning off electricity.  

I wonder if “my kids” are okay this morning.  

I wonder if it is dark and cold at their house.  

I wonder if they wonder why Ms. Mary Ann and Mr. Daniel didn’t come through for them.  

I wonder if I did the right thing.

“Oh, Lord Jesus.  When I’ve done the best I know, and it still feels so wrong, could you please bring good into the lives of this family that will be for eternal gain?  Soften hearts, bring responsibility and discipline into the lives of these parents before it is forever too late.  May Jesus be given His place in this family, yes, but especially in the hearts of those who love you and seek to be Jesus to this situation.  How desperately I need wisdom!  How small my boat, how large and turbulent the sea!  Speak peace to these waves that drench my soul with sadness.  And please, protect the children.  May your presence be a guiding light in the darkness with which they are forced to live.”

“Oh, Lord Jesus.  The children!”