June 18, 2015 · 1:26 pm

Obituary for Alene Elizabeth (Wert) Yoder

Alene Elizabeth (Wert) Yoder died June 16, 2015 in The Country Rest Home near Greenwood, Delaware, surrounded by her loved ones.  She was 86.

Mrs. Yoder was born January 1, 1929 in Bunkertown, PA, to the late Michael and Alma (Lauver) Wert. She chose early to follow Jesus, and the rest of her life was defined by that decision.  At sixteen, she moved to Delaware to work, met the love of her life, Mark Yoder, married him and lived in the Greenwood area for the rest of her years.  She worked side by side with her husband, first as a farmer’s wife and then wherever needed in her husband’s business when he became the owner and administrator of The Country Rest Home.  She also served as a pastor’s wife, and provided care for handicapped adults in her home.  Through all the years, the thing she did best was being an incredible Mama and Grandma.  She loved life and babies and birds and reading.

She is survived by her six children and their spouses: Clinton Yoder of Wagener, SC; Nelson & Rose (Beidler) Yoder of Morris, PA; Mary Ann & Daniel Yutzy of Milford, DE; Mark, Jr. & Polly (Heatwole) Yoder; Sarah & Bert Slaubaugh; and Alma & Jerrel Heatwole, all of Greenwood.  Also surviving are five sisters; Orpha (Lloyd) Gingrich of Cocolamus, PA, Gladys (Jesse) Yoder of Dover, DE, Freda Zehr and Alma Jean (Harvey) Yoder of Harrisonburg, VA, and Ruth Ann (Allan) Shirk of Lancaster, PA,  a brother, J. Lloyd (Beverly) Wert and a sister in law, Mary Wert, of Lancaster, PA. She is also survived by 27 beloved grandchildren and 35 great-grandchildren, and a host of cousins, nieces and nephews.

She was preceded in death by her beloved husband, Mark Yoder, Sr., a daughter in law, Frieda Mishler Yoder, a great-granddaughter, Ariel Yoder, and her oldest brother, Harold Wert.

There will be calling hours at Greenwood Mennonite School on Friday evening, June 19, from 6-8:30.  There will be calling hours at the same location from 10 – 10:45 on Saturday morning, June 20, with the funeral following at 11.

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to Laws Mennonite Church Building Fund, 125 Schlabach Road, Greenwood, DE 19950.

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , ,

June 17, 2015 · 1:38 pm

She’s HOME

It was soon after lunch that I texted my sister, Alma, who was keeping watch with her daughter, Carmen, and said that I was going to come out to Mama’s room where our family has kept constant watch for the last two weeks.  Each of Mama’s children has spent time by the bed in the corner, speaking love to our Sweet Mama, spooning food into her reluctant mouth, giving drinks of ice water, adjusting the fan, and, along with the amazing staff at Country Rest home, doing all we could to keep her as comfortable as possible.  There was music, there was sunlight, there were clean sheets and fresh nighties, there were gentle hands and kind words, there were prayers and prayers and more prayers.

I left my house around 3:15 and got into the room soon after 3:30.  The noise of my mother’s labored breathing was the first thing that I heard.  There was the swish of the oxygen in the background as I leaned over her bed and spoke to her.  She couldn’t talk, her eyes were seeing things I couldn’t.  When they would catch and hold mine, the suffering there wrung my heart.  “Oh, Lord Jesus!  How long?”

Mama’s sister, Alma Jean, was there with our sister, Alma, and Carmen.  It wasn’t too long until our sister, Sarah came and our brother, Mark, Jr., and we, along with Aunt Alma Jean, stood around her bed.  She just looked so bad.  I looked at that lined face, so sunken and tired and thought about how much the Mama of better days would hate this.  She always hoped that she wouldn’t have to suffer, especially gasping for breath.  My heart ached for her in the hard, hard work that she was doing.  And on this day, it seemed that none of the usual remedies worked.  And I suddenly realized that this was probably home going time.  That this labor, so like the labor of birth, was the inevitable labor of death.  It was hard.  It was real.  It was wrenching.  But Jesus was with us and His presence and the Hope of what was to come, kept us steady, even while we often wept.

Throughout the afternoon, family came and went.  There was a time, after supper when it was Sarah, Alma and I, Nel and Rose and Mark and Polly, were alone in the room and we sang for her, songs of faith, songs of Heaven, songs of our childhood.  I listened to the full, rich harmony of our family, singing our Mama Home, and felt the comfort and the peace of the unity we’ve been so blessed to enjoy, and my heart swelled with so much emotion it felt like it would explode.  We started with the song she first taught us, “Jesus Loves Me” and worked our way through “Great is Thy Faithfulness,” and many other old favorites.  Then, again, family started coming in.  She had three nurse granddaughters in the room at one time last night, and their tears told me more about the gravity of the situation than anything else.

Through it all, the labored breathing went on and on and on.  When it seemed like she just couldn’t breathe another breath, it still went on. Occasionally she would be with us, it seemed, but as the evening wore on, she was clearly leaving.  We prayed for God to just take her home, to set her free and to give her the ultimate healing.

And then, soon after ten, with granddaughter Holly on one side, and granddaughter, Carmen, on the other, and the rest of us sitting around and waiting, some in quiet conversation, some in contemplation, her breathing changed.  Instead of the ragged, labored breathing, there was this peaceful, no struggle, easy breaths.  Her face was peaceful.

“I think she’s going,” said Hospice trained nurse, Holly.

“Really?”  Said Carmen.  “You think so?”

“Yes,” breathed Holly.  “She’s is definitely going.”

We gathered around and we held her hands, touched her where we could reach her, and watched in awe as a Saint of God made her final journey.  Peaceful.  Quiet.  Eternal Rest.

How very much we will miss our Sweet Mama!  She has been where we go for comfort and understanding and reassurance and unconditional love.  But how we rejoice in her triumph!  What a joy to think of her in Heaven with Daddy and the rest of the family that has gone on before.  She loved living here.  Heaven is so much more.

I can only imagine.

And this grieving heart still swells with grateful praise.

6 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , ,

June 16, 2015 · 12:24 am

Smart Phone Woes

Certain Man and Certain Man’s Wife have been old sticks in the mud when it come to their flip phones.  There never was any reason to change.  The phones had been loyal, dependable and very sturdy friends.  CMW actually washed hers in the washing machine.  One time a whole cycle.  But it was put into the rice remedy and continued to work without complaint.

However, the offspringin’s prevailed upon their parents and offered help and assistance and both Certain Man and his wife became to owners of one of the smart phones– something “6-ish.”  (CMW honestly does not know its proper name.)

Anyhow, said phone has proven to be very helpful in the many messages to siblings and offspringin’s and keeping up with things when CMW was away from home.  And she was especially delighted with the way there were suggestions for words across the top of the screen when she was messaging, because it cut down on the time considerably.  A great invention, indeed.  She came to rely heavily upon the given suggestions.

Too heavily.

With Sweet Mama being so sick, and a history of things being needed, it came to pass that CMW had the cell number of the beloved family Doctor.  On rare occasions, she would employ this for things that were needed at inopportune times, and this morning was one of those times.  She texted a message to Dr. Wilson, and about a half an hour later, her texted back a short, but very welcome, “DONE.”

Now CMW does not take such things for granted, and so she texted back, “Thanks, Dr. Wilson.  YOU DA BEST!!!”

At least that was what she thought she had texted.

The morning wore on, there was laundry to do, other messages to field and then there was the time when she suddenly noticed the text that she had actually sent to the good physician.

“Thanks, Dr. Wild One.  YOU DA BEST!!!”

Oh, dear!!!   Oh, Dear!!!  Oh, Dear!!!

She still thinks the good doctor is one of the best, but “Wild” is not a word that would be appropriate for this particularly steady, southern Delaware family doctor.

CMW is going to just blame it on that smarty-pants phone.

2 Comments

Filed under Stories from the Household of CM & CMW

Tagged as , , ,

June 14, 2015 · 9:28 pm

Fourth Sunday

It is Sunday afternoon.  Mama’s bird is singing in the sun room.  I collapsed on my chair, the exhaustion of the week caught up with me and I slept a restless sleep.  The music that is playing quietly is Classical Lullabies by Fisher Price, and Certain Man is kicked back in his lazy-boy, sleeping soundly.  He came down with a bad cold and sore throat and needs the sleep even more than I do.  Lena is quietly here, doing something on her computer.  Middle Daughter is sleeping, getting ready for an evening shift with Delaware Hospice.  Youngest Daughter is in Chicago, believe it or not, spending time learning to know one of her daddy’s cousin and his family, Dan and Heather Yutzy and their precocious five year old, Kiran.  Rachel actually went to Chicago for the bachelorette party for her friend, Anna, whose wedding is coming up in a few weeks, but it has been a grand week for God happenings, and this Mama gives grateful praise.

I am just ready to head out to Country Rest Home.  My brother, Nel and his wife, Rose, arrived yesterday and have been helping to fill in the gaps.  Mama’s sister, Alma Jean Yoder, from Harrisonburg, Virginia, caught a ride to Delaware last evening, and her helping hands have already filled in some gaps for us.  It is pretty much the same there for our Sweet Mama.  Sometimes it feels like these days just run together with almost no variation except decline.

Early in this journey, one Sunday morning, while I sat by her bed in the hospital, she reached for my hand and spoke life giving words of love to me that I’ve needed for some time.  I always have known that my Mama loved me, but this last year has been hard for her and us all, and there were many times when it felt like the filters were gone and things were said that would set me back on my heels.  Sometimes when it was time to travel the miles to her house, I would ask the Father for the garment of praise and for wisdom to understand what it was that was best for my Mama, for I knew that she always could tell when something was bothering me and she hated it terribly when she thought I was sad.

“Mary Ann,” she would sometimes say with her eyes all pleading, “Have I been a good girl?”  Often this was after one of her more strident declarations, or actions that were out of character for her. How I hated that question that put me fully in the place of being the parent, while my heart still begged to be her child.  I didn’t want to be the one to tell her that she needed to stop driving.  I didn’t want to be the one to tell her that she needed a wheelchair or a walker.  I didn’t want to be the one to tell her that her days of self medicating were over.

“Everytime you come,” she said earlier this year, “you take something else away from me!!!” And she burst into tears.  Mama almost never cried, and it wrenched my heart as I struggled to know the difference between what was okay, what was negligence and what risks were acceptable.  I almost never laid down the law (we don’t do that with our Mama) but tried to negotiate what she was willing to live with and what she wasn’t.

And now she is suffering so much.  She moves so restlessly on the bed that has been her “home” in these last ten days, no longer asking to go home, not asking me to take her home with me.  She hasn’t spoken my name since Wednesday, and that is okay.  I don’t ask her because I don’t want her to have to think that hard.  I remember her words of love and I am comforted.  How I wish I could fix this for her.  I wish I could transform her into the healthy, young vibrant Mama of my youth, bring back the good, good times, the dancing eyes, the music, the love of beauty and the strong body.  These are the memories that we have of this brave, indomitable woman who is our mama.

But even if I couldn’t bring back the body the way it once was, today I’d give almost anything just to have her be the Mama.

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , ,

June 13, 2015 · 9:02 pm

My Brother Writes . . . “Ready or Not”

From my brother, Mark, Jr.

Tonight I am staying with my Mom, and the night brings a mixture of emotions as I stand by this woman who has been such a good Mama to me and my siblings.  I’ve often said that our life and our family was far from perfect, and we deal with baggage we are not even aware of, I’m sure.  But we were and we are so blessed, and Mom deserves so much credit for the blessings we’ve had.  It feels sad to me tonight that I cannot do more for her in this hour that she would (and does) hate so much.  Death is coming way too slowly for Mom.  She never wanted this, to labor for each breath, to fight the pain, to spend the hours moaning lightly, and knowing that the end is inevitable, coming relentlessly to take her away, like it or not.  Like the children’s game of Hide and Seek, the count down is soon, and I can hear the words, “here I come, ready or not.”  I’ve tried to smile, to be cheerful, to speak words of hope, to tell her that she has been such a good Mama.  When she was still able, she asked me why I was grinning at her.  She told me I was speaking so loud, but she gave me sweet smiles and told me she loved me, too, when I reminded her how I felt toward her.  Mom and I shared those words often these past years when I was leaving her house, or going away, etc.  Her words came easier along those lines the past few years, and brought me comfort and blessing.  It is still good to be loved by your Mama, and to hear words of affirmation and pleasure from her lips.  I’m going to miss that…

So this night brings a bucketful of emotions.  I do feel excitement for her, delight to know that she will soon be free of this suffering, and that so much joy awaits her on the other side.  This is the hope we’ve built our lives on, and I’m grateful this hope brings us deep-down rest and comfort when there is nothing more we can do for our Mama.  With certainty and conviction, a knowing that surpasses the intellect and logic of the mind, and comes from deep within our spirit, we believe and we trust that His promises are true.  It’s our anchor for the soul,  The best is yet to come, and so much good awaits Mom, and she will be there soon, and we rejoice with her.

But there is sadness, too.  Life goes too quickly, and part of me wants to go back in time, to enjoy and appreciate again life the way it was.  I chose and try hard to live life without regrets and lots of “if only”, because I believe in amazing grace, and God’s ability to redeem messes and mistakes.  That is not the longing I feel tonight, to wish I could change things, and do better and be kinder, although there is that part, too, sometimes.  But there is a part that doesn’t want to let go of this person who has always been there, always been on my side, always wanted me and loved me, and made me feel I was doing good.  There is a part of me that doesn’t want to face my own frailty, to know that I’m now the next generation, that I’m running out of time, too.  Reading back over this just now, it is obvious that there are no words to really express the heart in a time like this.   Some things are just beyond words.

So thanks for your prayers and for your love and for your caring.  Thanks for being family.  It does feel good to have people who care in times like this.  We appreciate it.  And right now would be a good time to say a prayer for Mom.  Things are not easy for her.  Every move is labor.  She woke up just now and said “Hey!”  I reminded her of when she would tell us to save our hay, we might marry a mule someday…  She no longer can talk back and forth, and her words are hard to understand most of the time…

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , ,

June 12, 2015 · 2:42 am

Another Day, a Different Story

Three weeks ago about right now, I got the call from Mark saying that he was with Mama, and that she had fallen, and that he thought something was broken.  I look back over these last 21 days and am reminded again that NOTHING is out of our Father’s sight, care or control.

I need that reminder tonight.  Mama lapsed into a very quiet state today and has barely spoken.  Her breathing is a bit more labored, and she does not respond to much, except to protest when she is moved or to briefly say something when spoken to directly.  I did not try to make conversation with her except to ask her when she looked at me beseechingly whether she wanted to tell me something. She only closes her eyes with a resigned, weary look. The difference between today and yesterday is phenomenal.  But once again, we just never know.  She looks uncomfortable, and has a worried expression on her face while she sleeps, but denies pain when she is asked.  They are trying hard to keep her comfortable.  The staff at Country Rest Home is so kind to her, tender with their touches because they know that it must hurt somehow because of how she protests.

I told her yesterday that when I was a little girl, it didn’t matter what the problem was– cut finger, scraped knee or broken heart, she always knew how to make it better.  I wish that I could make this better for her.  Even though I cannot, we know the one who can, and in His time and by His Grace, it will be wonderful.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

June 11, 2015 · 1:26 pm

Keeping us guessing!

Well, she’s done it again!

Yesterday she was much improved over the day before.  She was awake — watchful, hungry some of the time, wanting water, wanting to get off her back, wanting to know how she got there, wanting to know if she was going home with me, wanting to go to her home, wondering how she was ever going to get up on the bus– interspersed with some very interesting proclamations (“God loves a cheerful giver!!!”).  So yes, she didn’t sleep nearly as much yesterday — but still not remembering a lot of stuff, very confused at times, and others quite with it.  Her family doctor came in yesterday and took out the stitches that should have come out ten days ago — (we haven’t seen her orthopedic guy since she had the heart attack in the hospital,  which was 17 days ago) — and she rallied to his presence like someone turned on a light, causing him to proclaim that she needed to work hard to get better so she could go back to her house and her bird!  This morning she doesn’t remember that he was there . . .

Frankly, we are so confused as a family.  Our Deborah, who is our household’s resident hospice nurse, tells us that this is not unusual — that there often are good days spaced between the bad.  So we don’t know if this is just a temporary spike or if it is a trend.  Whew!  It’s a roller coaster!

My youngest sister, Alma spent the night and she said that she had a good night.   Middle Sister, Sarah’s family is coming in for the weekend, and we want her to be able to enjoy them.  All my brothers and sisters gave me such an incredible gift last weekend to be able to be with my family even while keeping up with what happened with Mama, and I would like for her to be able to have the same privilege.  Nel and his wife, Rose were to go to Canada next week on a yearly vacation, but they have decided to stay home and come to Delaware instead.  This is a great comfort to us local siblings.  It will be nice to have them here.  Please continue to pray for us — for wisdom and courage and patience.

And that is the news from a sunny corner room at Country Rest Home, where our Merciful, Loving Heavenly Father keeps watch with us and only He knows what this day holds.  We choose to trust Him.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , ,

June 10, 2015 · 12:57 am

Mama Sees What We Cannot

We were sitting there around her bed, Uncle Jesse, Aunt Gladys, Alma, Mark,Jr. and I.  Mama had been pretty much comatose for a couple of hours, barely responding to anything.  And never fully comprehensible in anything she said.  In earlier days, she would hear things in the bedside conversations that would shake her from her withdrawn state and she would ask, “What?” or “Who?” but today there was none of that.  Just watching the ceiling sometimes, following an unseen object that seemed to be moving from one area of the room to a far corner.  Sometimes she would have a small smile, sometimes a puzzled look. We were letting her rest and the conversation between the five of us was gentle.  Sweet.  Memories and concern and the sorrow of what we were seeing wrapped us in an easy camaraderie where time seemed to stand still..

Suddenly, without warning, Mama opened her eyes, her face awash with glorious joy.  She lifted both arms towards Heaven and made beckoning motions with her hands. And as clear as a bell, no mumbling, no stumbling, no trailing off, she said, “Oh!  Here’s my Sweetie!  When did you get back?  Come here!  I love you!” And then, just as quickly, she returned to her comatose state, but a look of puzzlement would sometimes fleet across her face like, “What was that about?” It was an incredibly Holy moment and there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

This evening, she is still in that state, where it feels like one foot is on earth and one in Heaven.  She is seemingly less and less aware of this old world,  and is sleeping more and more. One of us local siblings is usually with her.  Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren come in and out.  We give drinks of ice water, and spoon a little bit of food in — if she allows us to.  These hard days are times of Grace and Glory–as well as the sadness that is part of every waking moment.

Surrounded by love, held tight in the prayers, secure in the eyes of The Father, we rest.

And my heart gives grateful praise

6 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , ,

June 8, 2015 · 11:49 pm

Sweet Mama Update

There really is no new news to report when it comes to the state of our Mama’s health.  Today has been ordinary in that there were no swift declines or crisis, just a quiet watching over and some unexpected confusion. At one point today, while Alma was there, Alma asked her if she knew who she was.

She said, “I know you are Mark Yoder’s daughter.”

“But what is my name?”she persisted.

“I just can’t remember your name right now,” she said.

About then, Mark’s Tim came in and Alma asked her, “Who is that?”  “That’s Tim!” she said.  And that is pretty much the tenor of things — some times she is with it and seems to know what is going on.  At other times she is really out of it.

Please pray for us as a family that we will have courage and strength and patience and wisdom.  All of us are very tired.  All of us want to do what is best for our Mama’s comfort, but we realize our limitations.  Yesterday morning at the end of our family vacation, in our last morning family worship, as we were closing out, Lem said he had a word for us and he read these verses from Matthew 11.

28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Then today, Clint gave to us as siblings the promise he had received for today and that was Exodus 14:14.

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.

On these promises, we choose to stand.  We are not superhuman, but we do serve an incredible God and we have — each one of us– found HIM faithful.

Here is a picture of My Sweet Mama with my Favoritest Oldest Grandson.  This was taken on the best of times we have known in the last week.  Si was longing to see his Grandma Yoder and She knew him and talked to him.
IMG_0114

For this and so many other best gifts,

~My heart gives grateful praise.

4 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

June 7, 2015 · 6:26 pm

When Plans change

I want to sit a little longer in my chair.  The breeze is blowing in the side window, and everything is so quiet.  All our Littles have given big hugs, collected their flip flops and belongings, and been safely strapped into their respective car seats and boosters and shouted their good-byes.  All my adult children that are “spoused” have packed their cars, hugged their Daddy and Momma and their sibs and in-laws and driven out of the lane on their way back to their normals.

It has been a bitter sweet weekend.  We had planned to go to Pennsylvania to Copeland Lodge (http://copelandspring.com/) for five days this week (Wednesday to Sunday) for our biennual family vacation.  Ten bedrooms, lots of bathrooms, big kitchen and great room — everything just so right for a family our size.  Daniel’s sister, Lena, was going to be with us, so that made a grand total of 15 in the lodge.  Eldest Daughter, Christina, had carefully planned and the rest had marshalled around her to help with food and expenses and activities.  I could hardly contain myself, I was so excited.  We had arranged care for Nettie and Cecilia, and time away in a neutral turf without home responsibilities sounded so wonderful.

Then Sweet Mama fell, broke her femur, had surgery, developed pneumonia, had a heart attack, developed a secondary infection and eventually came home from the hospital under the care of Hospice to a sunny corner room at the Country Rest Home where there would be care for her broken leg, and comfort for her remaining days.  Our children offered me the option of not going to Pennsylvania, but rather a “stay-cation” where everyone would come home and we would do the best we could while here at home.  I could almost feel the anxiety drain from my body as I discovered that this was not the offer of only one of our kids, but every single one of them, along with the three in-laws.  I gratefully took the offer.  It gave me the opportunity to be close enough to keep in touch, and my siblings graciously freed me up from having to be responsible for what happened with Mama for these five days.

And so, we’ve had some happy, happy times together.  Some of the stuff they did without me.  Some of the time they cheerfully held the edges of stuff together for me with Nettie and Cecilia and together, we just kept things going.  There was a middle of the night call as Mama went into crisis, and then daily visits and catching up with calls and texts.  I was so glad I was here, and could be involved in these critical days, even while others carried the brunt of the burden. The whole intensity of the situation felt so different than it would have from four hours away.

There was a time, Thursday night, when we did not think Mama would live through the night.  I spoke to my brother, Clint, and asked him to come.  Mark spoke to Nel and Rose and told them they should come, as well.  Mama took one look at her oldest son and things were immediately better.  When Nel got in the next morning, she went into a quiet sort of waiting that was much easier for us to handle.  And while she is not getting better, there is a peacefulness that is wonderful to see. However, though things are not as critical as they were, she does continue to deteriorate.  Clint left to go home to South Carolina around noon, and Nels plan to leave in the morning.  The four youngest of Mama’s children will see this through.  I’m so glad that Clint and Nel and Rose came.  Mama’s most lucid moments were for them this weekend, and their memories will be far better than we had hoped when we asked them to come home.  The days ahead look uncertain and difficult, but we are not alone, and we have incredible support from our families and the extended families.

And I am free to be more involved again.  Once again, having Lena here, having Rachel home, and having Deborah’s familiarity with our house routine and good help are blessings of no small measure.  There is much for which to be thankful.
And so, though our family  may not have had the vacation that we had hoped to have, I believe that we still have had the very best that these days could have afforded under the circumstances.

. . . and my heart gives grateful praise.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , ,