Some posts back, I was lamenting about the fact that we had gotten a rather poor chicken check. (This post is a long time coming, and some of the local folk have heard me talking about this, so just skip it if you don’t want to hear about it, okay??)
Anyhow— We got our chicken check on July 3rd. It was quite a tough time for these old chicken growers. And I didn’t say much to Certain Man because it is against my “br-r-r-inzibles” (principles) to fuss about stuff when he is riled up. I try hard to keep my head level and cool because I just might need him to be level and cool for me when situations might call for it.
But I did some earnest talking (alright, COMPLAINING!!!) to my Heavenly Father. “What are we going to do? How will we ever manage? You know all about this, but if there is some way to FIX IT, then please do.” And I juggled finances in my head, wondered if there were something of value in this house that I could sell, thought of all sorts of alternatives, etc., etc., etc..
I’ve been reading some in Oswald Chamber’s book, My Utmost For His Highest, and when I came to the reading for July 4th the title was “One of God’s Great Don’ts.” I felt the words burn into my soul as I marched my way determinedly through it. It began by saying;
“Fretting means getting out at elbows mentally or spiritually. It is one thing to say “Fret not,” but a very different thing to have such a disposition that you find yourself able not to fret.” H-m-m-m-m. “Oh, boy! Why do these topics always come up at such “opportune times?”
It went on to say, “Fussing always ends in sin . . .Fretting is wicked if you are a child of God” “Lord, isn’t this a little harsh, I mean, I know it isn’t right to complain, but sin? Anyhow, Oswald Chambers isn’t the Bible.”
And then this: “Have you been bolstering up that stupid soul of yours with the idea that your circumstances are too much for God?
I couldn’t very well read this and not know that it applied pretty well to the situation I was in. But my nose was out of joint. I said to Youngest Daughter, “I’m gonna’ go get Daily Guideposts and read that for a while. I don’t think they’ve ever said anything about a ‘stupid soul’ and they make me feel a whole lot better about myself.”
And so, I did! But I still keep coming back to Oswald Chambers for the challenge he gives to my mind and the thoughts that he makes me think, and the way he shakes me out of my comfort zone. I can’t say that I’ve ever read the whole book — it seems like I read it for a while, and then it gets “uncomfortable” enough that I put it away for a while. It is so radical. So incredibly deep. So very demanding.
But isn’t that the definition of being a disciple? Radical. In a relationship with a person that is deep. That by definition demands our all? I am reminded tonight of a quote that was given to us by our teaching director at Community Bible Study. “Salvation is free.” She said to us in her quiet, intense way. “But it takes everything to be a disciple.”
“Lord Jesus, I want to be a disciple!”