Middle Daughter is somewhere over the Pacific Ocean. Her plane left Tokyo around five this morning, and she is winging her way towards Chicago.
I am so anxious to have her home. This trip was fraught with significant risks, what with the routing through Japan, and the uncertainties there. She made it through to Bangkok okay on the way, and now has cleared Tokyo once more on her way home. I have refused to allow myself to worry — I know that she is in God’s hands. But to tell the truth, she’s been very short on communication since she left. In fact, the only “direct” communication that we had from her was a facebook status that said: Any Mom knows that doesn’t cut the mustard! The only reassuring word in the lot is the first one. I know, I know. Deborah is an adult, and she isn’t obligated to report. I’m just longing for news from my other girlie and Deborah holds that in head and heart. I cannot wait for her to be back and to update her status to:
The morning is quiet in the old farmhouse at Shady Acres. Cecilia is already on the bus, Nettie is finishing her breakfast, and pretty soon she will poke her head around the corner and say, “I go”a’ go ge’ uh paper an’ gi’e uh bir’s f’esh wa’er.” (“I’m gonna’ go get the paper and give the birds fresh water.”) She had one great day — Saturday. One good day — Sunday. The week has been downhill since then. This morning she is very troubled and anxious. I finally asked her if she was hearing voices, and she said that she was. Her hearing aids aren’t working quite right again, and she is feeling “weak” as she puts it. When I take time to talk to her and try to get her to say what is going on, she does better, but I’m thinking we are due a medication upgrade. One of the things that indicates that things aren’t right is when her speech, already garbled, goes downhill fast. Another thing is that she professes to not be able to hear what is being said to her. I’ve not had any experience with hearing voices, but I’m suspicious that the voices are so loud she can’t concentrate on anything else. Just my theory. I could be so wrong. Whatever is happening, it is painful for my Nettie-girl, and it makes me feel so sad for her.
And so another day begins. There is much to occupy my hands, more to occupy my heart. My Three Kids (the ones we take to Sunday school) are in desperate straits again — and I wonder what people are thinking about when they set about to bring kids into a world they can’t manage for themselves, much less dependent bodies (and souls and spirits!). (Oh what a tangled mess we leave when we unthinkingly conceive!) And when does my concern for the kids become “enabling” for a parent who has no qualms about, well, mooching (to use a good friend’s term)?
The thing is, there is a best thing for us all to do. Not just Middle and Youngest Daughters, not just Nettie, or The Kids, or the adults in their lives. There is a Best Thing for ME to do today, and I believe that is to go to My Sweet Mama’s house for a few hours, watch Love Bug for a few hours and then see about getting this house straightened up in preparation for Middle Daughter’s return and Bible Study in the morning. That should keep my hands busy, and my heart can come along.
6 responses to “”
I laughed out loud when I read your sentence about safely in Delaware, Internet access all the time. I have struggled with your questions for years. The only conclusion I come to is that it was not Destiny’s fault she was born to parents who were not even able to manage their own lives, less yet hers. God placed me in their lives before she was even conceived, and maybe I have enabled them. I don’t know. I just know I love her too much to turn my back on her because of their poor decisions. I do realize that my connection to Destiny is different than yours to those three, and I’m not telling you how to respond to their situation. Love you, MaryAnn!
Oh, how your rhyme about conception hit my heart. Don and I struggled with this so much. Many thought we were enabling, but when it came to grandchildren’s well-being, we were there. I try still to settle this debate, but when a child needs food or electricity or water I will be there, but now with a husband in the picture, my help is a loan. So far, that is being honored. Have a happy reunion with daughter. I know how anxious and ready you are to hear about your girls!
“That should keep my hands busy, and my heart can come along” a wonderful way of putting it and the value of being busy. I didn’t realize your daughter was traveling through Tokyo. I hope your day goes well.
I can’t believe Middle Daughter’s trip is almost over – seems quick! I know how you feel about the lack of communication, and I, too, can’t wait to hear details of her trip!My hands desparately need to get busy, because any down time seems to allow my heart to plummet into despair over Daddy’s condition. I love the lines from “Anne of Green Gables” – Anne Shirley: “Can’t you even imagine you’re in the depths of despair?” Marilla Cuthbert: “No I cannot. To despair is to turn your back on God.” This always reminds me I need to be turning TOWARD the Lord, rather than away from Him!I hope Audrey can get the adjustments she needs – it must be terrible to hear voices. Daddy experienced that for a short time from some medication he was taking (Robitussin, of all things!) and it caused him to fret something awful!Thank you for your continual encouragement.
I like the phrases in Psalm 37 when I am struggling over something….Fret not, Commit to the Lord, Delight in the Lord, Trust in the Lord, and last, but not least is Rest in the Lord. I so understand the concerns of a Mother heart.
Karen just returned from Thailand via Tokyo on Monday. She and Debra must have just missed each other. She reported a great time. But, like you, I am thankful she is back on American soil. I had to smile at your little (misquoted) quote. So true!