Delaware Grammy

My Sweet Mama and her siblings got together last week for an informal sort of reunion.  Uncle Lloyd Wert and his wife, Aunt Bev, provided the place and the food.  All that the rest of them had to do was show up.  And they did. 

My Grandparents had eight children.  The oldest was a Son, Harold, and then followed five girls (Orpha, Alene, Gladys, Freda, Alma Jean) before another boy (Lloyd) was born, and then, after him, the final child, another girl, Ruth Ann. 

There were 37 grandchildren.  Three were killed in automobile accidents, so that leaves 34 of us.  Of the 37 grandchildren, 7 inherited the “Wert” last name.  There were that many (7) Gingerichs, 4 Zehrs, 3 Shirks, 16 Yoders.

Harold married Mary Hepner.

Orpha married Lloyd Gingerich.

Alene married Mark Yoder.

Gladys married Jesse Yoder (Mark’s brother).

Freda married Vernon Zehr.

Alma Jean married Harvey Yoder (not closely related to the other two Yoders as far as we know).

J. Lloyd married Beverly Shreiner.

Ruth Ann married Allen Shirk.

When they got together last week, they were all there — except my Daddy.  (And because of Alzheimer’s, one of our beloved Aunties wasn’t quite herself.) The eight siblings are all surprisingly pretty much together and “with it” enough that they really enjoyed the day.  It was hard for my Sweet Mama.  The tears were close almost every time she talked to me in the days before the gathering .  She hated to go without Daddy, but believed that it would not be wise to stay home.  And so, she went, and she survived.  I was so proud of her.  I know it was terribly hard, since this is the first time they were together like this since Daddy died, and it was bittersweet for all of them.  Uncle Allen got a decent picture of the eight of them together and Unkie (Uncle Lloyd Wert) took the rest.  I wish I could have been a mouse in the house that day, but I’ve heard the account, and I’ve seen the pictures.  That is almost as good!

In the back, from the left, Aunt Ruth Ann, Aunt Alma Jean, Aunt Freda, Aunt Gladys, Uncle Lloyd
In the front, from the left, Aunt Orpha, Uncle Harold and My Sweet Mama, Alene.

Uncle Harvey with Aunt Alma Jean, Aunt Freda, Aunt Gladys

Uncle Lloyd’s wife, Aunt Bev, and Aunt Mary Wert (She belongs to Uncle Harold)

Aunt Gladys and Uncle Lloyd.

Aunt Gladys, Aunt Ruth Ann and Aunt Alma Jean

Uncle Harold Wert and Aunt Orpha Gingerich

My Sweet Mama with her lifelong friend, Aunt Mary (Hepner) Wert

Uncle Allen Shirk and Uncle Harold Wert

Uncle Vernon Zehr talks to Uncle Lloyd and Aunt Bev’s son, Phil Wert.  (Phil is one of the five male grandchildren that carries the Wert name) and that is Aunt Gladys Yoder sitting there with what looks like a halo. 

This is half of Aunt Alma Jean Yoder, talking to Uncle Lloyd Gingerich, and Uncle Jesse Yoder

Aunt Ruth Ann Shirk and Aunt Orpha Gingerich

Aunt Mary Wert talks to Aunt Freda Zehr, and Uncle Vernon Zehr holds down the other end of the couch.

I am just about kaput! 

Since we came home from the Yutzy Reunion in Ohio, I have picked three bushels of lima beans off the 24 plants that Certain Man planted and conscientiously tended for me. (He does NOT pick beans, though!)  I have them all shelled and safely into the freezer. 

They weren’t doing so well at first.  The first time I picked them I barely got enough to fill the cup of my two hands.  While I did that first picking, I noticed that the plants were turning yellow from the inside out, and many of the beans that were there were hanging limp.  I went down those rows of beans and started praying over my decrepit looking bean plants.  I asked the Lord to be gracious to my little garden, and could He please turn things around so that I could have a good harvest.  And I sang while I picked — songs of Heaven, songs of praise, songs of the Soon Return of Jesus (Which I am thinking really could be any day now!).  And then I waited.  About ten days ago, I went back out and things were looking better.  I got a fairly decent picking and was able to put five bags in the freezer.  Then we went off to the Yutzy Family Reunion.  I thought that maybe they ought to be picked while we were gone, but decided that I would just check them when I got back.

Wowser!  We got home on Monday evening, and I went out early on Tuesday morning and the beans were hanging thick and full.  I got started picking but had to stop at the end of one side of one row.  I had a bushel already, and the sun was so hot and the one med I take says to limit exposure to the sun, so I took my very red face into the house, and decided to wait until it got down to around eighty degrees.  The thing was, it was still eighty-seven at seven in the evening.  I was sure I couldn’t wait any longer, so I headed on out, and it actually wasn’t too bad.  There was a breeze, and the sun was going down so I picked another bushel.  Of course, then I was forced in because it was getting dark. 

Wednesday it rained almost all day.  We got over six inches.  Eldest Daughter and I canned 29 quarts of pizza sauce in the morning, and then I went to My Sweet Mama’s for the day.  When I got home, it was time to get ready for small group– and clean up the kitchen, and shell the beans, so I put them into the fridge and decided that I would blanch  them on Thursday.  So, Thursday morning, I went out to finish the one side of the last row and picked another bushel.  Believe me, I got busy in earnest to get those things shelled, blanched and into the freezer.  I got 28 bags (3 cups each, although, when I put three cups into a measuring cup, it made almost four, so those are really almost quarts).  I am one grateful girl!  It feels good to have picked them all myself. I actually enjoy picking the pole beans, but I guess i would not be adverse to some of the family helping.  They do help with the shelling.  (Sometimes, a little bit.  Sometimes, a lot.)

The thing is, I feel so close to my Daddy in the bean patch.  Thoughts of him keep invading the spaces of my heart and the memories are so good. Thankfully, most of the time, they don’t make me cry any more. 

Last night I was talking to Mama, and I said, “I think Daddy would be pleased with my bean patch this year!” 

She said, “He would be so pleased!  It would really tickle him to know how well it’s doing and how many beans you are getting from it.” 

I said, “I can almost see his smiley crinkles and hear him say, ‘I don’t know what to say ’bout ‘cha!  Well, Sweetie, that’s really good!'”

It’s been so long since I’ve heard that voice.  I remember that when he died, the feeling I felt the most was incredible joy at his safe homegoing –and the fact that he slipped so easily from mortality to immortality.  My sister, Alma, said that one of the reasons we were able to be strong those days was that we hadn’t had time to miss him yet.  It’s funny how you can hear something and know that it is entirely more accurate than you really want it to be.  Those words were so terribly true.  I missed him every single day for so long that the physical ache in my stomach almost became an expected part of me.    It honestly doesn’t hurt like that very often anymore, but sometimes when it seems like I don’t quite miss him so much, another person I love takes it upon themselves to make the journey from here to There.  Counting him, we’ve laid to rest five of the David and Savilla Yoder children in less than five years.  Daddy, Uncle John, Aunt Ruth, Uncle Luke, Aunt Naomi.  And other family members and good friends.   Sometimes it is so incongruous how glad I am for them, and at the same time, how sad for us.  And because I am mortal, most of the time when I think about it, I’m just desperately sad for our losses.  Significant losses.  Every one of them.

These days when I am getting ready to let go of Youngest Daughter, trying to think of all the last minute things I have to tell her, trying not to cry when I look at her face, fold her laundry, listen to her voice, I keep thinking about life and why we do the things we do.  I wonder sometimes what all our angst is going to look like from The Other Side.  I wonder if all the separation, heartache and sorrow of this sin sick world will be a part of a long forgotten past, and we won’t even remember?  Or if we remember at all, will it be only to realize that all of this was nothing, NOTHING in comparison to what God has in store for us?

We can’t know what it’s all going to be like, of course, on this side.  But what a comfort to my heart are these words from Jesus our Lord:  (Listen!)

 “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust in me. ² There are many rooms in my Father’s house; I would not tell you this if it were not true. I am going there to prepare a place for you.³ After I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me so that you may be where I am. ⁴ You know the way to the place where I am going . . .I am the way, and the truth, and the life. The only way to the Father is through me.” John 14:1-4,6b  

He promised!  We can count on it! 

Home again, with so much to tell–

So little time, I can’t do it well-

So it is off to bed for me.

Tomorrow???  Well, I guess we’ll see!!!

There’s laundry to do,

And calls to make.

There’s appointments to schedule

And naps to take.

For every single day away

It seems like it takes two to pay.

I think we finally finished up the corn today.
Alma’s friend, Peggy, made some corn available to us, and we put our hands to the husks, and never looked back!

Roxie, Edie, Elmer and Sarah get busy on what seemed like a really little pile of corn.

The other end; Sarah, Christina, Friend Emma

This is what we call the “Cow” and it is a new edition.  I was trying to get the original edition down from the rafters, and suddenly it came bouncing down and broke into irreparable pieces.  Certain Man never said a murmuring word, but got busy and made us a new one, and this is a greatly improved edition.

Here we gather to solve all the world’s problems. 
(Almost get it done, too.)

Then Elmer brings the tractor and loader up so we have somewhere to throw the cobs.

Roxie and Sarah begin the big job of cutting off kernels.

Alma lends her able hands

This is pretty much the bravest one of us all.
With feet that almost never stop hurting, she still came to help.
I suspect she’s paying dearly for it tonight!
What would we ever do without her???
She urges us on to a strong finish.

There’s lots to drink.  Tea.  And tea.  And Tea.

There’s a hornet buzzing around here.  Someone needs to get him!

Emma tries her hand at a new experience and finds out that she really isn’t too bad at it!

Roxie is a helpful and pleasant addition to our corn days.

Sarah is the one who “LOVES” to do corn.  She is our corny professional.

We really do laugh a lot!
This crew specializes in finding something to entertain each other through the long, hot hours.

The long, long line of cutting and packaging.

Of course we had help from another sector!
Charis “washes” her ear of corn before eating it raw.

“If I pour often enough, maybe I can empty one of these muck buckets!”

“Wait a minute.  That’s corn in there.  I really, really, really like corn.”

“I believe I’ll go fishing!”

“Aha!  I caught a big one!”

“I found a spot to eat my corn where no one will bother me!”

“This is just the best lunch ever!  It’s so yummy!”

“Mommy, can’t you see I’m busy here?!?!?”

“Maybe I’ll just take my ear of corn and go someplace else!”

The day went so well, and we had about 450 ears of corn (some of which we divvied up for eating fresh) and we got over sixty packages of corn (of various sizes)  So, so pleased!  And hopefully that is it for this year.  I am just about husked/corned/kernel-ed out.  It has been a long week and half since we started, and I really don’t know how much we’ve done all together, but it is ENOUGH, ALREADY!!!

The little one cleaned up pretty well for prayer meeting tonight!

CM and CMW at prayer meeting tonight.
Yepper, that’s two tired people!
But prayer meeting has a way of filling up the cracks and crannies of hearts that are heavy,
and provides the oil of joy for mourning
and gives a reminder of how good we really do have it,
so it was worth every minute.

Tonight, Youngest Daughter is ill with a very nasty summer cold, and I am not sure just what to do to help her. 
I think a good night’s rest is probably the best thing for what ails her.
I know it’s the best for what ails me, so that is where I’m heading my own weary self!

Good night, all-
May the Grace and Mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ rest and abide with each one!

Yesterday was quite a day at Shady Acres.  We were supposed to do corn again —

But it wasn’t ready!  So we got busy on other things.  Youngest Daughter wasn’t home from Conference yet, and we had overnight company that was going to be here part of the day.  Dustin Miller, on a trip through several states in preparation for going back to Bangladesh, had spoken at our church on Sunday morning and then at Snow Hill on Sunday evening.  He had spent Saturday and Sunday nights here, and needed to head for Washington D.C. in the afternoon.  I envisioned a leisurely morning when I heard there was no corn, but what a misnomer that turned out to be.

The usual morning things are to get Cecilia and Nettie on their way, so that got done in fairly good order, and then I decided to start laundry.  I heard the driveway monitor, and looked out to see who had come, but didn’t see a car.  So I went to the door, and coming up the ramp was my sweet neighbor, Lillian.  She had been out picking up trash, and stopped in for a minute.  She lost her husband almost two years ago, and she has had a tough couple of years health-wise.  This picture was taken in happier days, but I love this little wisp of a lady.  We often talk about her scrappy husband, and how much she misses him.  When I hug her, she feels like mostly bones and her tears are so close.  What a special lady!  She is brave, but so very fragile.

Deborah came down and was cleaning up the kitchen, and Dustin came down and foraged for some breakfast.  They decided to go in to Dolce’s for some coffee, and so they left and I kept on doing laundry.  Then the driveway monitor went off again and it was my friend, Emma.  She had taken her husband, Jimmy, up to New Jersey to pick up his bike that had been wrecked a few weeks back, and stopped in on the way home.  Earlier in the week, we had planned to go out for lunch on Monday, but then the corn and the bike had preempted our plans, so she was actually stopping to help do corn.  Ah, well. She said she was going to come on Wednesday.  I had lots of leftovers from Sunday, so she and I decided we would still do lunch — with leftovers, so I got busy heating those up.  Then the doorbell rang and it was my neighbor, Jesus, (no, really, that’s his name!) with his beautiful little boy, Romy.  He came in with a paper that he wanted help filling out.  Once again, it was one of those papers that he really wanted me to fudge a little on — and I said to him, “Hay-soose, I am going to tell you what I tell all of my hispanic friends:  I will do everything I can to help you, and I will sign anything that I can in good conscience, but I will not lie for you.”  He said, “No, no, that’s okay.  Just sign what you can.”  So we went over the paper and filled out everything that I knew the answer to, talked about his job, and caught up a little on his life.  Then he had done some carpenter work in the trailer repairing a leak, so I paid him for that, and he took Romy and went on his way.

About that time, just when the food was almost warm, I heard the sound of a motorcycle, and it was Jimmy, bringing his repaired motorcycle for admiration.  He breezed in the house in his “Jimmy way”, and I asked him if he was hungry.  He often won’t eat at my house, but he was feeling really happy yesterday, and he ate!  Leftovers from Sunday, but he ate!  I was pleased with that.  When he and Emma had finished their lunch, and I had changed a load of laundry, I went out to see his motorcycle.  I hadn’t gotten a chance to see it back when he first got it.  He had picked up the cycle on a Thursday night, if I remember correctly, and had taken it up to New Jersey to show a friend on Saturday.  On the way home, he stopped for some coffee and someone took a short cut through the parking lot and caught the bike and drug it several feet, causing it some significant damage (although it wasn’t as bad as first thought, it was incredibly hard on Jimmy who had waited a LONG time for this bike).  He had to leave it up in Jersey until it could be repaired, and he was one happy guy to bring it home, all fixed, all shined up, all just the way he wanted it.

Like I said, he was one happy dude!!!
(and don’t be touching his bike, you hear???)

Well, in the mean time, Youngest daughter had gotten home, and then Dustin and Deborah got back from the coffee shop, and then Jessica Burkholder stopped in.  She and the girls were going to Dover for a little jaunt to look for a diaper bag for Davey and Jessica’s soon to be born baby.  I should have taken a picture yesterday,  Jessica is such a cute preggo mama.  But I didn’t!  (sorry!)  This one will have to do.

The girls headed out, and then the driveway monitor went again, and it was my Sweet Mama, coming to wait at my house between doctor appointments.  It is always so good to have her visit!

In between visiting with her, I fielded a few phone calls, and then she left for her appointment, and Dustin left for D.C..  Nettie came home and then Cecilia.  Then finally, the girls and at last, Certain Man.  That was the best of all.  Everything is always better when he is home.

I guess, reading over this, it was no wonder that I was exhausted last night.  It was one of those evenings when I couldn’t wait to get to bed.  How incredibly blessed I felt to sink into my great mattress and literally zonk out.  Certain Man said that I was asleep almost as soon as I hit the pillow.  I believe him.  What a grand sleep I had!

Today, I still feel like I have it in slow gear.  It is Oldest Daughter’s birthday:

(Happy Birthday, Chris!!!)

and I have a dentist appointment and some other stuff to do — laundry to finish, and bookwork at Mama’s, but thankfully, nothing that is too demanding of energy.  I am so glad for the pause that refreshes.  At least I guess that is what this day day is.  Never thought I would think of going to the dentist as relaxing, but it really does feel like that, and now I am outta’ here!

May you all have a blessed day! 

They buried my Auntie today.

There were so many things happening so fast, that it wasn’t at all feasible for Certain Man and I and my Sweet Mama to try to go.  But my heart was there.  I wish there would have been a live stream available, but I guess there wasn’t. 

We had overnight company — pleasant company, indeed, and then church this morning and company for lunch today.  Fourteen around the dinner table plus Love Bug in her high chair.  Roast beef, new potatoes, gravy, corn, lima beans, pretzel salad, homemade bread, double layer chocolate cake, ice cream, sweet tea.  It sounds like a big meal, and there was plenty left over, but if the truth be told, it is one of the easiest Sunday meals there is to put together.  Clean up isn’t much fun, but many hands make work light.

Suddenly, just before the last dishes were washed, my energy was gone, and I handed the reins over to Middle Daughter and gracegiven and I got some pain meds and got out of my church dress and into my housecoat and literally crashed onto my favorite chair.  (gracegiven and her family were the only ones still here, and I consider them family, so didn’t think anyone would be offended with my attire.)  Little Victoria came over and climbed up on my lap, and I stayed awake long enough to sing “The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout. Down came the rain, and washed the spider out. Out came the sun, and dried up all the rain,: and the itsy …” while tickling her and squishing her and whispering secrets in her ears, but then I fell fast asleep in that chair, and when I suddenly woke up about a half an hour later, Kent’s were leaving and I had actually gotten myself a good nap. 

Certain Man and I followed them out, and sat on the old church bench beside the garage door and surveyed the waning afternoon.  Kent and gracegiven got their children all corralled and safely belted.  They pulled out of the driveway, waving and smiling, and we waved and smiled them off, then sat together in the comfortable silence.  It has been pleasant and the temps have been actually rather moderate.  The butterflies were flitting about on the flowers and there was an occasional humming bird.  There’s a slight breeze and I looked at the flowers and wondered if I should shear them back so they can grow out again..  Suddenly a neighbor man came flying in the chicken house lane in his old beat up truck and leaped out and went into Certain Man’s shop.

“I wonder what Chris Willey wants,” I said to Certain Man.

“Oh, he probably forgot something on the tractor and came back for it.”  This particular neighbor often borrows things on Sunday Morning while Certain Man is at church, and he had gotten a tractor this morning, used it and brought it back.  I watched at how confidently he marched into Certain Man’s shop and then strode back out, lifting something triumphantly in our direction from half a farm away, and got back into his funny old truck and sped out of the driveway again.

“Well,” I said reflectively to Certain Man, “he certainly acts comfortable marching in and out of your shop.”

Certain Man laughed, “Yeah, well.  You wouldn’t do that to his shop.”

“Why not?” I ask.

“His is all locked up!”  He laughed again, a bit ruefully.  “He knows he can do it here.  And it’s okay.”

Then Certain Man announced his intention to grab a nap and I remembered that I had the offerings from the last three weeks to enter into the computer, so I decided to do some desk work. When I finally got my computer to boot up, I realized that The Funeral had gone on without me thinking seriously about it.  I had planned to take some time to sing the song that the cousin’s choir usually sings at the funerals of the Aunts and Uncles.  I had planned to ponder and maybe shed some tears and pray.  And I suddenly realized that the funeral was probably over.  Without me.  Somehow I felt gypped.  I wanted to feel a part of it even though I wasn’t there, but my opportunity had slipped through the fingers of my afternoon while I washed dishes, tickled a little girl, and slept. 

There are lots of things that we can feel bad about, but this is one of those things that I don’t think my Auntie would want me to beleaguer myself about.  If anyone would understand about company and little girls held close on a lap and food needing to be put away and dishes needing to be washed, it would be she.  I can almost see the smiley lines crinkling into her sweet, sweet face, and I can imagine hearing her say, “Now, Mary Ann, you did what was important at the time.  There will be plenty of time to sit and think, and I will always be a part of your memories.  Nothing can take that away from you.  And we’ll have time someday to catch up on all the things we hadn’t finished.  So be sure to Be There!”  

I intend to be there, Aunt Naomi.  And it won’t just be in my thoughts.  I intend to BE THERE, with that new body that won’t suddenly get tired half way through the Sunday afternoon dishes. We will sit together and there won’t be any “waning” to the afternoon or need for those wonderful Sunday Afternoon Naps!

What a day that will be!

I was going through papers on my desk today, and found a card from Aunt Naomi.  It was written in her familiar handwriting, and it had the usual reminders of faith and hope and caring.  I thought of her, now, as the people she loves are gathering in and wondered at what she must be feeling.  She could get better from this.  I guess so, anyhow.  But if she doesn’t, it is a wonderful thing for the family to be there, sharing time together while she is still alert and able to talk to them, able to enjoy those people she loves “best of all”.

The week has been so full of remembering.  She loved her brothers and sisters intently, and I often said that the boys would go to Aunt Naomi when they needed mothering.  She has her papa’s loving heart and their Mama’s efficiency.  She learned through the years to trust her Heavenly Father, and though it was born out of some desperately hard times, it is a faith of pure gold, solid quality, tried in the fires of life.  I’ve so often wanted to be just like her.  And then I would think about what it has cost her and my heart would shrink back.  “Do I want it enough???”

 The memories are so precious.  I remember a particular phone call when my Daddy was first ill. She called to see how he was, and to encourage me.  She was a bit pensive, but not downtrodden.  Then she said, “You know, Mary Ann, your daddy has always thought that every one else was ‘picked first’ — for whatever activity people were picking sides for – sports, academic exercises, whatever.”  She said, “One time he said to me that just once, he would like to be picked first.”   She paused, her voice heavy with emotion, then plowed bravely on.  “You know, Mary Ann, I just have a feeling that this is one time your daddy might get picked first.  I have a feeling that he’s going to be the first one of us siblings to go on to Heaven.”   And he was. It’s funny how simple statements can comfort us, but that was something that comforted me over and over again.  My Daddy.  Home free, safe and sound.  Grandpa and Grandma to himself for one split second of eternity.

There was another time when she gave me a life principle to live by.  Aunt Mary Lois was so ill.  Uncle Daniel was keeping watch, Uncle Monnies had come to Delaware, and the Yoder brothers and sisters that could make it had come to Shady Acres with their spouses for supper.  After supper, the family gathered in the living room to sing out of the old Church and Sunday School Hymnals.  Uncle Eli and Aunt Ruth’s daughter in law, Karen, had come and was playing the old piano.  The songs were of Heaven, of traveling through this world of sorrow, of being faithful and looking forward to Heaven.  A call was made to Aunt Mary Lois and a song was sung for her.  A call to Uncle Luke and I think one to Uncle Paul and the Aunts and Uncles sang for each of them, some of the voices getting reedy and old, but on key and still beautiful.

Aunt Naomi was quiet that night.  I was startled to realize that emotion was thickening her throat and making it hard for her to sing. We sat later, talking.  She always made me feel like I was the only one on her radar screen when we were conversing.  She looked into my eyes, she often held my hand.  Our conversation turned to her beloved son, Steve, and she said something that, not only will I always remember, but it has helped me over the years in countless ways.  This is what she said:

“You know, Mary Ann, I am so glad that I can  count on God to do what is just and right and fair,  If people were to judge Steve, there are probably some of them that will be too hard on him.  And if I were to judge him, I might be too lenient, but I can trust God to do what is right, and I can leave it there and rest in that.”  She cried that night, something I almost never saw her do, but I appreciated that, too.  Always so full of joy, but honest in her grief, too, for brief windows of time.

Another thing that I respected her for her was her love for Uncle Monnie.  I know from being the wife of a good man that sometimes the best of men are easy to get impatient with, or to find the flaws.  I know that a man as determined as Uncle Monnie couldn’t have been easy.  Not all the time.  But she made it look easy.  Her loyalty, her unfailing smiley lines, her faith in him and her faith in God was an example that was safe to follow, and I can’t tell you how often I thought of her and what she would do if she were in my shoes.  And took courage.  When they were with a crowd, invariably, I would find them off by themselves somewhere, chatting quietly.  Sitting on a couch, or two folding chairs, away from the rest, Uncle Monnie would be talking and she would be listening attentively.  I would see the two of them and think about the fact that what they had between them was something that the young and aspiring call “Good Communication” but so often have no idea what it really is.

I hate to think that she might be leaving us.  I know she has fought a good fight, I know she wants to be with Jesus and with Uncle Monnie.  I know she has a whole passel of loved ones over there that she is longing to see.  But I hate to not have her here.  I don’t want her to suffer.  I don’t want her to be confined and restricted and unable to be “Aunt Naomi” as she has enjoyed being all these years.  But I still hate to think about us without her.  She really does make us all think  finer thoughts, love more unconditionally, and live with that hope that we know is so real to her — and it makes it more real to us.  What will we do without her? 

And so this morning, when I think of how it feels to me, I multiply that in the face of what the family must be feeling, and think of you all, gathering home for what must feel like the last time like this, and my heart aches for you.  I know all about the grace that holds you steady.  I know about the supernatural strength that sees you through these days, tucking all the memories away for the days when all you have are the memories, and I know about that waiting that puts you into a holding pattern of uncertainty, and I know that God is there — with you, and in you and over you and under you, and that is the greatest comfort of all.  May you experience the unity and peace that makes days like these shine with glory and gives your sweet Mama comfort.

Last evening, around 8:30, she slipped away.  This morning, again on our family e-group, her oldest son, Dan, posted a comforting and faith filled missive.  At the end of that posting, he had this little snippet:

In the final hours of her life yesterday after her ability to recognize those around her had faded, the following two quotes came from her that I share with you.

“Tell the people God is sufficient to meet their needs”

“Tell the people it is worth it.  If they have any doubt, tell them it is real.”

I cannot begin to tell you the spring of joy that welled up in my heart!  This is Holy Ground.  And now she is safely home.

“Well done, good and faithful servant!”

It has been a full week.  We’ve done corn and done laundry and babysat the boys and — well  — it’s just plain been tiring!

This afternoon, while my grandbaby played on the floor, I slipped down off my chair where I was trying to regroup a little and I thought I would play with her on the floor!  Whew!  My knees are not ready for crawling around on the floor yet — Almost thought I had done some permanent damage for a minute, but then it settled down and I got myself back up on my feet and flexed things around for a while and all seems well.  I’ll think twice before I do that again.

This is my favorite picture from the week:

~~~

On another note — there has been a pondering running around in my mind all day — ever since Middle Daughter read an excerpt from Dear Abby where someone had written in to complain about being at a wedding reception that served dinner five hours after the reception started because “the bride preferred to dance on an empty stomach”.  She proceeded to say that she and her husband (and a dozen others) left their gift and took their empty stomachs to a restaurant while the bride danced merrily on.

It may seem like a bit of a “stretch”, but somehow several things that have happened recently caused me to get a mental picture of the Church, the Bride of our beloved Redeemer.  People have come, people are hungry but instead of feeding them, instead of meeting their honest needs, we are dancing merrily to the music of prosperity, the music of popularity, the music of success, even the music of bitter rivalries and jealousy.  Our own stomachs are empty, but we think we “dance better” with empty stomachs.  How many people are walking out because they aren’t finding the soul satisfaction that Jesus promised?

There is so much to celebrate.  But our celebrating should draw in the hungry and give them something to satisfy their souls.  They shouldn’t have to wait with empty hearts while we dance.

Three silly kids!  Charis loves Carson and Nevin intensely.  Whenever she sees a picture of herself with them, she makes this little happy noise somewhere down in her throat and grins her widest grin.  I am so happy these three cousins have the opportunity to play together this summer.  The boys are so tender with her, often laying aside their own grievances to be sure she is safe and happy.  It is an incredible blessing to watch!

I babysat for our Love Bug but this week, and on a whim, put her up by me on the side of the kitchen sink.  She was perfectly content.  She reminds me so much of her Mama.  When Christina was a little girl, she could entertain herself for hours, pouring water from one container into another and back again, getting herself as wet as possible in the process.  When I watch this smidgen of a girl, I am transported back thirty years to another girlie with brown eyes and soft brown hair, and the memories are oh, so sweet!!!

Of course we had to wash her hands!  And that called for foaming soap which made for some nice bubbles.

Bubbles.  One of the words she says.

The family was together this weekend–

The boys were home with their sweet wives.

Raph and Gina.
{It seems like forever since they moved to Ohio.} 
It was wonderful to have you home again, to see the love you have for each other and life in general
Ah, Raph and Gina — if I didn’t believe with all my heart that God called you to Ohio,
I think my heart would break from missing you so much!

Lem and Jess
{Reeling (but recovering!) from a major disappointment, when the house they felt certain was to be theirs, wasn’t.}
I watch the two of you working out the everyday living of marriage with a sweet, sweet love and the kind of commitment that isn’t based on everything going just “right” and know that God continues to work in your hearts and He will complete that work as you cooperate with him.  I miss you two, too, and am glad that you are close enough for a quick trip now and then.

Uncle Lem reads to Charis.  This is one of her favorite books —

The Little Mouse, The Red, Ripe Strawberry, and the Big Hungry Bear.

Too soon, it was time to go.  Some Sugar for Uncle Raph–

And a squeeze for Auntie Gina .

And suddenly, everyone is gone and everything is too quiet again.

We miss both couples intensely, but having them home sure is like a breath of fresh air on a hot summer day!
(Now what would I know about that?!?!?!?)

 
Thank you so much for coming!

One thing that I really, really, REALLY dislike is when people allude to things on public forums and then don’t tell you what is going on.  And so I try to not do that — which has resulted in some very lonely, very private grieving for me over the last year.  And I still don’t know what to do with some of the “stuff” — but so often the things that weigh me down involve the people that I love deeply, and their stories, though so very much a part of my heart and my life, aren’t mine to tell.

My life is so interesting.  I truly am never bored.  I’ve already said that I would at least like the opportunity to be bored, but I almost think that I probably have had the opportunity, but didn’t recognize it because of the many diversions looking me in the face.  I recently read the book, Vera’s Journey, (by Judy Yoder, ©Vision Publishers, 2010) and was challenged, moved and blessed by it.  If you get a chance, read it!  It made me aware of how often people have had tragedy, life disappointments, even handicaps (deafness at 38) and still have lived long (102 years!) happy and fruitful lives.  I am ashamed of the way I so often am stymied by such insignificant things.  I am ashamed of how often my sadness over other people’s choices arises out of selfishness, too.  i.e. “What will people think?”  “It makes me feel so sad!”  “I’m so disappointed!”  And often I think, “If I were the kind of wife, (daughter, parent, sister, friend) that I should be, somehow they would love/respect/defer to me, or even be the person I think they ought or could and even (maybe especially) should be.” 

One of the things that I have found myself doing is making excuses for the people I love, trying frantically to provide logical explanations for what they said, did, or thought so that other people wouldn’t be upset with them.  Quite honestly, I often can see where people are coming from in the decisions they make and the things they do, even when I don’t exactly agree with them.  Sometimes even when I violently disagree with them.   I usually am able to see where they are coming from, and desperately want everyone else to understand them, too.  I am never quite sure why people come to me about people and things that I really have no control over, either.   I will say this, though.  The things that cause you concern in the lives of my husband, my children, my mother, my siblings, my friends, are (for sure!) causing me concern, too,  But this morning, when I had spent some time crying, some time thinking and praying about my response to a particular incident, I was particularly praying that God would help me see things from His view point, that my responses would be bathed in His love, that my sorrow would be Godly, not selfish, and that relationships could be stronger, more honest, more transparent, and that the people I meet up with would be drawn to Jesus instead of feeling cut off from grace.

And then I picked up “Our Daily Bread” and read the reading for today.  This is what I found!

July 16, 2010 — by David H. Roper