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Silent Night, Holy Night . . .

 

All is Calm . . .

 

All is Bright . . .

 

. . . Well maybe not quite . . .

 

We had a jolly good time at the party.  For those who are wondering about the soups, for this occasion, we had Shrimp chowder and Cheddar Cheese Chowder.  The other soups that I made this week were Beef and Barley and Chicken Corn Noodle Soup.  I think that all together, I made over a dozen gallons of soup last week.  And there isn’t much left!  It was a cold and windy week, with lots of sickness and the two funerals.  Soup is good for times like this.

 

We had a great time at the party, but an even better time together at my Uncle’s funeral.  I thought again yesterday about how often we say things like “It’s so sad that the only times we get together are at funerals” or “It’s good to see you, just not under these circumstances.”  When my father in law died a month ago, one of the things that I thought about so often was, “This isn’t such a terrible ‘circumstance’ when you really think about it.  We get to see all these people we love and so seldom get to see, and Grandpa gets to go HOME!  That sounds like a ‘win/win’ situation to me!” 

And that was truly the atmosphere yesterday as we remembered a man who was colorful, but often gray; witty, but often reserved; loving but sometimes prickly, but never, never indifferent about anything.  There were eight Yoder Boys, but this was the uncle that when I looked at him, I saw my daddy’s face.  I will miss knowing that somewhere my daddy’s oldest brother is still living. 

Most of what I miss, though, is the passing of this generation that is just ahead of my own. 

How did I get to be here? 

Since when are we the “older generation?” 

I don’t think we have what it takes to fill their shoes.

God help us!

 

Things are looking up at Shady Acres.  I have made enough soup this week to run my own soup kitchen, and there is more to go.  Certain Man and I decided to go ahead with the annual open house for his office that had been scheduled for tomorrow evening.  I looked at this week and thought about the things going on and decided that I really did need to think about something HAPPY for a change, and so we’ve had a grand time planning and looking forward to the evening.

I know that there aren’t many people who plan these sorts of things, and we got our invitations out a whole lot later than we wanted to (we had good reasons for that, but they still were later than usual) but we’ve not had a whole lot of people letting us know one way or another if they are coming or not.  I am just as happy if the ones who come are the ones who really want to and maybe people just don’t like to say they aren’t coming — but it sure makes planning easier when I have some idea as to how many people I am planning for.

Back on April 17th of this year, I wrote about taking my first drive after my second knee replacement to go into the Hospice Center of Milford to tell my friend, Joan, one last good-bye.  You can read about that little trip here: 

http://www.xanga.com/private/yourhome.aspx?user=Buckeyegirlie&nextdate=4%2f17%2f2010+23%3a59%3a59.999

Monday morning, another neighbor called me and asked me if I had heard that Joan’s son was gravely ill.  I hadn’t.  And after talking with her for a little bit, I decided to call Joan’s mother, who lives behind Joan’s house in a modular house.  Mildred is a precious old lady and she has endured many a heartache.  Not the least of which was losing her beloved daughter last spring.

Mildred filled me in on all the details.  She said that Craig hadn’t been feeling good, and finally, the week of Thanksgiving, had gone to the doctor and was diagnosed almost immediately with pancreatic cancer.  The days since then have been filled with unfortunate setbacks and strange developments.  When I spoke to her Monday, she was guardedly hopeful, but also said that he was a “very sick boy.”

Late last evening, the neighbor that called me Monday, called to say that Craig had passed away.  My heart aches for this family.  Craig was married (rather briefly) and had son, Tyler.  Tyler is 14 now, and Craig has had custody of him for most of his life.  Tyler is a fine young man.  Mannerly, and will speak when spoken to.  He was exceptionally close to his Mom-Mom, and her passing was difficult for him.  I cannot even imagine what must be going through his head tonight. Craig was an only son, but his two sisters were always trying to look out for him.  I’m sure that they are devastated.  His dad is the strong silent kind of man, not very apt to say what is in his heart, but my heart aches for him as well.  And his elderly grandmother!  She has some serious health issues, and this can’t be a good thing for her to have to deal with right now.

. . . When I look at the problems and sorrows that other people have, my own look rather small and insignificant.  How very difficult this is to understand.  I pray that they would somehow find comfort in this sad, sad time.

 

It has been a day when it is hard to not cry.

1.  I guess I am not really over whatever is wrong with me.  I still feel thick and slow and stupid.

2.  My husband is sick.  He didn’t make it to church this morning.  I know how bad he feels (see #1)  and it makes me sad for him.

3.  My Sweet Mama is sick.  I talk to her on the phone and she sounds so bad.  I should go out there and take care of her.  But — (see #1 and #2)

4.  My Uncle David died this morning.  The seventh child of David and Savilla Yoder to die in less than five years.  The third one since July 29th of this year.  On the 18th, it will be five years since my daddy died.  He was the first.  There was an irreverent remark when Daddy died.  Something about it being the “beginning of ‘open season’ on the Yoder siblings.”   I didn’t particularly like it then.  I like it even less now.  Seven gone.  Grandma had her babies fast, but I know she never had seven in less than five years.

5.  I miss my faraway girlie.

6.  I miss my faraway girlie.

7.  I miss my faraway girlie.

8.  I miss my faraway girlie.

9.  I miss my faraway girlie.

 

If you are looking for some resolution to this, it isn’t coming.  Yet.

 

 

Certain Man and I went shopping together today.  I wasn’t feeling entirely well, and he was feeling like he was getting sick  — so we made quite a team.  It was rather quiet in the mini-van for the first part of the trip.  I hadn’t hurried enough this morning, and we didn’t get off as early as we had hoped.  There were ladies to get ready for Center, some bills to pay and I needed to clean out my purse . . . 

Yes, I NEEDED to. 

Several months ago, I had bought one of those big bags that are so popular now.  Youngest Daughter had sorta’ talked me into it, if I were to be entirely honest.  And I have been impressed and pleased with how I can get so much in there.  The only problem is, it is pretty much just one great big compartment, and of course, I had lost something important in there.  I couldn’t find it among the candy wrappers, crumbs, pens, receipts, calculator, chapstick, Weight Watcher literature, gum, cough drops, life savers, more pens, tablets, Things to Distract Love Bug, coupons, sale papers, and even the two zippered pouches that I put in there to help me “organize” things.  So I sat on my chair, and began to dig.  I found what I had lost, and threw everything away that didn’t belong in there, corralled some of the things into the zippered pouches, put the pens in their own outside pouch, put “edibles” into another compartment, and lined up the wallet, the check book and the calculator in the bottom of the big old purse, and marveled at how much lighter the thing felt.

Certain Man had been in the chicken house while I did all this stuff, and after I finished the purse,  I thought that I would quick pay a few bills that had come in.  Over the time of the funeral, there had been a few things that had gone unheeded, and I wanted to “quick take care of them.”  So I furiously scribbled away.  Certain Man came in, got his shower, got dressed and sat on his chair.  He didn’t look particularly healthy.  I worried.  He didn’t look particularly happy.  I worried even more, and tried to hurry even more.  The phone rang numerous times.  The several times that he fielded the calls, I heard some quiet mutterings about “getting later and later!”

Eventually, we got on our way, but as I said, it was rather quiet in the car.  I was genuinely sorry for making us late, sorry that he wasn’t feeling good, and really wasn’t feeling terrific myself, but then didn’t know if it was because I was just being growly, had a guilty conscience, or if I just hadn’t recovered enough to actually be out and about.

Then the first place we stopped was closed because of a death in the family, and so we aimed our trusty mini van on up to Dover and slowly made our way through various stops.  First to the post office to mail some invitations and to buy Christmas stamps for our Christmas cards.  While there, we also got information about sending a package to Thailand.  I think that first stop is what changed things for us.  We suddenly began looking outward together instead of looking inward and at the other’s imagined (or real) shortcomings.

The day just got better from there.  We did some browsing at “Forneys, Too” a delightful little gift shop where we didn’t buy a thing, then went on to the mall, did some looking at this and that, got lunch at our favorite fast food place, Chick-fil-A, visited Yankee Candle, made a small purchase at Boscov’s, another at Penney’s and then went on to Sam’s Club for some shopping there and then to a carpet store to look for carpet for the living room.  It was just so relaxing and fun!

But towards the end of the day, it became evident that Certain Man really must be catching what I had earlier this week.  His head was hurting, and he felt really, really tired.  So we came home and he slept awhile, went out and did his chores, and then our Grandbaby came by for a short visit.  Things are settling down for the night, and I knew he didn’t feel good at all when he wanted Beloved Son in Law and Eldest Daughter to lock up on their way out at 8:30.  He had my sympathies, and I wasn’t going to object.  So I think we are going to call it a day at Shady Acres.  Middle Daughter is working, Nettie has already taken herself to bed, and Cecilia will follow as soon as I get her ready.  This was the day for my cleaning gal to work her magic, and work it, she did!!!  I am thankful for a clean house, a sweet fire, and the memories I’ve been blessed to make today.

Sweet Dreams!

One year ago today, I woke up in Beebe Medical Center with a new left knee.  Today, I feel some ache in that knee with the weather and with an unusually busy past week.  I was supposed to have an appointment with the office that did the surgery this morning but decided to not go.  Somewhere I caught a cough/cold/nasty bug, and yesterday I pretty much sat on my chair all day.  I finally made an appointment with my family doctor for this afternoon.  Maybe I can get to feeling better.  I haven’t been feeling quite right for over three weeks, but I kept saying, “I have to get through this:  (Funeral, two trips to Ohio, Rachel’s week at home, Thanksgiving boxes, Thanksgiving, little Christmas, getting everything together so that my family could have as uneventful a weekend together as possible, etc.) and THEN I will think about whether I am really sick or not.”  I’ve been down this road a time or two before, and I wasn’t surprised when I started feeling really bad on Monday, worse yesterday, and now not much better.  I was glad when the doctor’s office had one appointment left today and said I should come in.  I need some other prescriptions as well.  I so hope that I can go to church tonight — We are doing invitations for our Christmas Carol Sing along, and I REALLY, REALLY want to be there! 

Yesterday morning, Youngest Daughter began her long trip to Thailand.  She left Columbus, Ohio, around 10:00 yesterday morning.  They had a brief stop in Chicago and then went on to Tokyo.  Beloved Son in Law is my helper in times of need, and set up my laptop so that I could follow the flight on line.  Last night, I traced the flight across the edge of Korea, and thought about my girlie, and wondered what she was thinking, what she was feeling.  They landed in Tokyo, had another fairly brief stay there, an then it was back to the Friendly Skies for the last leg of the trip.  Around 11:30, Beloved Son in Law got a text from the airline saying that the flight had landed, and was taxi-ing up to the terminal.  It was almost midnight in Bangkok, and I was surprised by the sudden lurch in my gut as I thought about my 20 year old girlie, about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime.  I keep thinking that in the bigger scheme of things, 8-9 months isn’t all that much.  And in light of all the other things she has done, it seems like “just one more thing!”  And to me, as her Momma, I keep reminding myself that the empty place at our table, in our home, in my heart carries NOTHING of the sorrow or long term implications that friends of ours are feeling right now as they face the uncertainties of Traumatic Brain Injury in their college age daughter.  There is just no comparison.  And so, when I am tempted to weep over this far away girlie of mine and for that gut wrenching “Missing Her!” feeling, I am trying to use that as a spring board for a reminder to pray for Kevin, Carla, Karissa, Eric and Kelly.  I wouldn’t be surprised if they would trade their kind of pain for this sort of pain in the blink of an eye.

. . . and I praise HIM in this storm.

edit:  Home from the doctor.  Temp of 100.  Sinus infection, but “you don’t have pneumonia — YET.”  So he prescribed an antibiotic, and Certain Man laid down the law concerning church tonight and Bible Study tomorrow morning.  And I don’t have the energy to argue. 

So there. 

He thinks he won. 

I think I did.

What is more fun than early Christmas at Grandpa and Grammy’s house?

Auntie Rach and Auntie Beebs decorate the tree.
(Well, it really does all end up there! Eventually.)

 

I have my own little manger scene:

Really!  I have my own!

Grammy bought it for me so that I could play with it.

 

I can show off the fact that I can do somersaults:

And someone always claps and cheers!

 

Great Grandma Yoder, who always gives me “Meenyahs” (M&M’s) came and Auntie Rach was here, too!  Oh, Happy Day!

 

Auntie Jess and Uncle Lem, Uncle Raph and Auntie Gina were here!  Fun, Fun!

 

 

I sit with Daddy and Mommy

 

while Grandpa reads the Christmas story:

 

And then there is all that paper to wade through!

 

    

      

 

Big people chairs to steal:

 

More somersaults to turn for attention

 

And frolicking on the floor

 

And what could be more fun than when Auntie Beebs brought out the gifts from Peru and I got a hat all my own?

 

More fun than that???

Well, Daddy and The Uncles got hats, too, and we all got our picture taken together!

 

And then, too soon, it was over, and Auntie Rach had to leave for Ohio.
Grammy and Mommy said that she was flying for Thailand this morning around 9:28.

I guess that is right about now!

 

 

Youngest Daughter says “Good-bye . . .”

 

 

 

Proof that, in fact, there is quite a bit of laughter going on at Shady Acres!

Middle front:  Rachel
Middle back:  Deborah
Right:  Holly
Left:  Carmen
This was a gathering of the four single cousins of marriageable age.
I think it is a stellar group!
These gals are best friends!

 

 

This is also proof that
brave Girlies can smile even when they know
that they are saying “Good-bye” for a very, very long time.

Holly spent nine weeks with Rachel and Deborah in Europe last summer.
Deb and Rach both consider her one of their sisters.

 

There are just so many good, good times together these days.  Tonight the boys will be coming home with their wives, and the family will be together for about 36 hours.  I am so looking forward to the sounds of “family” filling the big old house that we call “HOME”. That will be sweeter than anything I can think of for the Daddy and Momma at Shady Acres!

The days are passing quickly.

In the mornings, I sit on my chair, cradling my hot cup of coffee against my chest and feel like the time is running out.  Every day I cry.  A little bit.  Not in public, but often when I am in the car alone, dashing from one place to another.  I roll the windows down and try to dry the evidence off my face and sing praise songs loudly though my tears.  It would never do to dump all these feelings on unsuspecting victims.

Certain Man has been uncustomarily irritable.  Not that I blame him.  There has been much to ponder, so much keep track of.  And his heart is no less occupied with the near departure of his littlest chick than mine.  He had planned to take this whole week off, so as to have some quality time with her.  But Monday she had a number of appointments and plans for the day, so he decided to work (just) Monday.  Besides, his office was having a meal together on Monday morning, and he had agreed to bring in a dessert for that.  I made a pan of apple dumplings, and he went off, pleased as can be.  Unfortunately, the other Kent County Plumbing Inspector was diagnosed with shingles that day, so Certain Man was needed at the office for the rest of the week.  He has also dealt with his father’s death, and lots and lots of ambiguity with that situation, has a new flock of chickens, and somewhere along the line did something really bad to his ankle.  It is hard for me to understand how a guy can injure himself so incredibly seriously and not remember how he did it.  Purple, swollen, angry looking and painful.  It happened while he was working at a frolic for a gentleman who has had a long, discouraging  battle with cancer, and I guess there was so much happening that morning that there wasn’t time to stop and think about what happened.  The pain in his shoulder, hip, knee and ankle has certainly affected his sleep and consequently, his outlook this week.

Anyhow, he has been just a bit more grumpy, and things were especially difficult the day our church family packed Thanksgiving boxes.  I crept into bed Tuesday night after he was asleep, and thought about the day, and felt the familiar prickle of tears gathering behind my eyelids.  My happiness is often wrapped up in the words that are a part of my day, and in my head, I kept hearing that impatient edge that had crimped the edge of a number of conversations we had that day.  I was incredibly tired from the past two days, having baked 30 loaves of bread, had company, babysat a couple of hours, taken Youngest Daughter to an appointment in Easton, Maryland, worked on the paperwork for the boxes, helped to pack and deliver them, and through it all, had been struggling with an upper respiratory infection.  I felt so sad, so weary, so alone.  So I began a silent lament to my Heavenly Father.

What mercy is given to me in my greatest need!  And as I began to think and pray, I was urged in my spirit to change my perspective, and to think about all the things Certain Man had done for me that day.  Things that he really wouldn’t have had to do, but had insisted that he wanted to.  Even when he spoke with the tone that I am unaccustomed to, it was often when he was doing things that were helpful to me, or that would make my load lighter.  He did a splendid job with organizing the distribution of the boxes, and he always has such innovative ideas and energy and insight when he is dealing with the people who are in need and he loves our church family unabashedly and openhandedly.  He had gone and gotten the family Christmas tree because we decided it would be easier if it were already here when Middle Daughter got home from Peru.  He had gone with me to pick up an order of chicken that was ready to be gotten just before we needed to leave to pack boxes.  He had helped me with the lists and the addresses for the Thanksgiving boxes, and he KNEW what I needed to know because he had spent his entire Sunday evening making contact with (or trying to contact) every single person on the master list for the boxes.  All of these things while keeping up with things on the farm and going to work every day.  He is just such a good man!!!  And usually, he is the same at home as he is everywhere else, with very few exceptions. 

It didn’t take very long, once the positives were being enumerated in my mind for me be in a totally different frame of mind, and it was easy to just drift off into a wonderful sleep.  I felt much better after that good night’s rest, and yesterday was a better day in every way. 

Except one.  That issue about the fact that the time is marching on to the day when Youngest Daughter flies for Thailand.  Over the months, I’ve put off thinking about it.  “I’ll think about that later,” I would say to myself.  “We still have that week in November!”  Suddenly now, the week is not only here, but almost gone, and I am just not ready.  I’m not sure I ever will be, and so my prayer for these days is that I will not put an unnecessary damper on what can be a happy, full of memories, good week.  I look at her shining face, and know that God will hold us all in the days ahead.  I know that He will be in Thailand with her. 

I heard a quote this week that said, “Where you go, The KING goes.  And where The KING goes, people bow down.”  That is comforting to me.  To think that my girlie can be a part of people coming to know the LORD JESUS in a way that will cause them to bow to the King of King and Lord of Lords.  How incredible is that?  And on the other hand, how very small our sacrifice in the great scheme of things eternal. 

“Lord Jesus, once again, I pray that we could see our sadness and the many, many emotions that  are wrapped up in the ‘giving up’ of another of our precious children as an offering to you, not just the high and holy God, but our tender and loving Heavenly Father.  May we trust your plan for her life without fear, without feeling like we need to somehow ‘hang on’, without constantly dwelling on her absence.  Help us to gauge the cost in terms of eternity instead of the terms of our sense of loss.  And in all of this, Heavenly Father, may you have the honor and the Glory.  We give you grateful praise.  May you be pleased with our sacrifice. “

Hallelujah!
For the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth.
The kingdom of this world
Is become the kingdom of our Lord,
And of His Christ,
And He shall reign for ever and ever,
King of kings,
And Lord of lords,
Forever and ever,
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!